Addicted to Green

CHAPTER 46

CADEN

11 years old...

Caden?" a soft feminine voice I know all too well speaks. "Hi, my little sun, are you awake?'' I peel my sore eyes open, my body aching as I'm curled in a ball on the couch. My stomach drops fear gripping all over me, as I see her short black hair, I look up seeing her piercing dark eyes. Her small bangs flared on her forehead. She smiles evilly tilting her head as she runs a hand down my arm.

My skin prickles flaring up and i widen my eyes. "No." i mutter turning to look where my dads room is, my head shakes. The door is closed and my silence. Please don't change anything. "I don't..." I gulped her hand moving down and down. Fear and disgust roll threw me. "No, I don't want this." I then say trying to speak firmer. Dad always told me... well before evaline, he told me to speak up. I was always quiet... but- but my voice leaves whenever he's near. I freeze. I can't move, I can't speak, I just... feel. Everything. Yet also nothing at all.

"Come on little sun be a good boy for mommy okay?" she speaks, she's not my mom. My mom is probably out with River while I stay with dad for the week. I like staying with mom more, Rivers are nicer and moms are not drunk all the time.

No. please no.

She always comes late at night when dad is to drunk to move, or speak. I thought she wouldnt come if i was in the living room this time... "come on be good for mommy and sit on my lap eh?" she asks but more of a demand as she sits down. My stomach does somersaults my heart races and i try to block everything out. I can't... i can't do this anymore. I don't... I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. On this earth.

"come on hurry, it will be over quick..." she mutters as she plays with a strand of my hair. I hate when she does that. Does this... But I don't know what to do about it. Who to tell. There's no one who can help me. I'm on my own.

Present-

I practically raise from the dead, my mind frantic and my eyes wavering as I look around, everything is blurry. I breathe in uneven breaths, my heart pounding a million miles an hour and my mind races. "Your okay.'' I hear a soft voice. Navina? My hands grip on to what feels like a sofa and I try to breathe. "Everythings okay. You're safe.'' I feel her arms wrap around my neck softly and snake-like.

Her summery scent invades my nose, for some reason it calms me down. Calms my racing thoughts and torrid memory. I never had a nightmare in a little while. Mainly because I have been taking my pills constantly like a pre medicated addict. But that's not for me to self diagnose. "Hey, what was that? You were shouting." I hear Navina say, her head nuzzled in the crook of my neck softly. "Are you okay?" she then asks when i don't move a muscle, or speak. I just stare at an empty spot in the living room...

Jespers living room. Right, im staying with him. I feel the claminess of my hands and my shirt that sticks to my body. I try to breathe but I'm just taken back to that place. That woman. I feel Navina next to me and I want to speak, I try to speak. But nothing comes out. Like I'm back at that house, back with her...

Not even River can come close to her. She was way worse. She fucked with my head, not just my body. Those eight months, almost four years ago, they felt like yesterday, like only moments had passed after she started walking back to my fathers room and smiling before the door closed silently behind her...

It haunts me even worse than River. Even worse than my parents or my sister. Everything. No matter how many times I tried to block it out with the pills, or the fighting, or the running, or the pain, hell even River and his absurdness... nothing worked permanently. Sure maybe it left for a few hours, but the memories... the thoughts, her touch, the feel, her smell... they always came back. Without fail. Everything about those months was still alive in me. And it was thriving. It's killing me, slowly and painfully... and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do with that, with anything...