Addicted to Green

PROLOGUE

CADEN -

"Bye Jesper!'' I shout from across the street at my best friend. His brown curly head of hair turns away with a smile, he has a pair of blue jeans and a sweater, even when it's summer. My stomach flips and my hands start shaking when I see the black SUV. I walk up the two cement steps slowly, too slowly. I hold the string of my bag tighter as it's on one shoulder and I try to calm the tremor in my hand. It will be fine.

Something is wrong. I can feel it. I felt it all day. The sharp sting in my stomach trying to tell me that something was going to happen today. I just know something bad is going to happen—but then again it always does in this house. This brown box is full of terrible memories and screams that never get heard. But if they did then I would have to go to foster care or a group home. Somewhere I do not want to go.

I try to lock disdain as my hand reaches the doorknob. My eyes close for a brief moment, trying to calm down the voices in my head screaming at me to turn around and run away... I don't. Of course, I don't. My chest tightens and I feel the weight like I always do. I can't run, my mom needs me.

"Come back here you little whore!" I hear River shout immediately and my stomach flips and I feel the bile rise. I try to close the door quietly but it doesn't work. He hears me. Of course, he hears me. He always does. I hear glass shatter on the ground and then I hear River's laugh that makes my stomach somersault.

My bag drops on the floor. I hear a feminine voice shout and I instantly recognize it as my mom's. My heart drops when I hear my name. "Caden! Come on in here boy. I'll show you what happens to a whore."

I walk over slowly. Not finding my voice and not liking anything about this. I hate it here. I hate it so much. I can't stand being in this house. Being with him. I can't stand anything anymore. I need my pills. I walk up to the living room area and pass it, seeing the glass that I heard earlier on the ground. It's so clean here, so easy and clean. Except for that bottle. The glass and liquid courage spilled on the ground...Great. He's drunk. I don't know why I'm surprised, he's always drunk.

I look up with wide eyes and I fight not to scream. I know what will happen if I do. I see River in all his tall bulky figure. His brown slicked-back hair, his dark blue cold eyes. The pressed suit but it's ruffled now. In the years I have known him, he has never looked like a mess.

I see a gun in his hand. I swallow as my frantic gaze turns to my mom. Her dilated dark pupils look at me. She's high. Of course, River has a gun to her head.

Why didn't I just jump off that bridge today? I wouldn't have to see this. I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. "This...This Caden, is what happens when your whore of a mother screws up my entire life!" he shouts, his croaked voice that's tinged in cigarettes. Makes me cringe back but I try not to show emotion. If I show emotion someone gets hurt. His dark cold wicked eyes turn to my mother the gun pointed his trigger finger moving back ever so slowly. Like time has left.

My heart leaps out of my chest. I'm frozen. I'm always so frozen. My mom doesn't do anything, with her being too high to anticipate what's happening. When I hear the silenced gunshot, sob racks through my whole body. My wide frantic eyes watch as my mom's limp body plummets on the ground and a gunshot wound right through her chest. I'm unmoving as my mom's dark eyes go to mine. They soften like she's finally free. I feel the sting behind my eyes but fight it. Why couldn't she bring me with her?

I watch River walk to the pantry above and grab a bottle of whiskey. He grabs a glass and pours the bitter liquid I despise. I swallow trying to fight the urge to run to my mom. I think screw it as I go to her. I notice River just watching me as I sink down to the knees in front of my mom's now pale body. A tear rolls down her eyes and I can't feel anything. I can't feel anything or I'll feel too much.

This is too much. Her hand goes up to my cheek, her small smile as she looks at me. She wipes a tear I didn't realize was there and I just watch her numbly.  Her pupils are dilated. "Run Caden. Please don't stay with him," she murmurs. I realize this is probably the last time I'll hear her ill-stricken voice. I frown more. I can't, that's the problem. If I leave I go to foster care or some group home. I can't go there. It's going to be even worse.

"Now you're stuck with me, kid.'' I hear River's ruff cigarette voice from the kitchen and I bite the inside of my cheek so hard I can feel the metallic taste in my mouth. Better than my arm I guess. My mom's eyes start to roam the ceiling, closing softly. The light from her eyes left and I frowned more trying to stop the tears, biting the inside of my cheeks.

I try to stop the voice raging at me to take a pill and grab a razor. Anything. Physical pain is better than mental pain. That's what my mom said. She said that's why she does drugs.

When my mom's hand slowly leaves my face, her eyes stare blankly at the ceiling and I look up at River. "Now you're free of your worthless parents Caden. They didn't care about you. Didn't love you. Why would your dad let that woman with you? Why would your mom keep you here with me?" he asks, cocking a brow as he walks closer to me, the whiskey glass in hand. "Because they don't care about you."

I feel something warm and wet soak into my dark jeans and I look down seeing my mom's blood everywhere. I try to breathe. I try to move. But it's like something is stuck on my chest pushing me further and further down the darkness of my mind. I liked the pain...but when I controlled it. I'm not the one controlling it now. This monster is.