Don't let go: Joel Miller x OC

A Tiny Miracle

With all initial shock out of the way and dissident emotions simmered down into a quiet lull, the remainder of that evening was spent discussing what to do next and what their future holds between gentle kisses and touches.

"What are we going to do?"

Touch.

"We'll figure it out, darlin'. Promise."

Kiss.

"We're gonna be a family, Joel..."

"I know."

Kiss.

Although Ava had to admit that feeling frightened of the prospect of motherhood was an almighty understatement, she was comforted by the fact that Joel had gone through this all before and knew exactly what the next steps should be. Soothing her heart in his arms as he mumbled his thoughts into her hairline. From visiting the nurse, all the things she'd need to cut out of her diet, how he'd start finding materials for a crib, the shop he had found on a recent supply run that still stocked those itty bitty baby grows for newborns- how he'll grab a few the next time he's out that way, how she needs to rest more, how she shouldn't strain herself in anyway but most importantly out of it all; how he loved her and that this was something that they'd be doing together. How he'd be at her side every step of the way from this very moment now and right up until that kid was grown.

And no matter how overwhelmed she currently felt, his reassurance- his promise to stay and hold her hand was all that she needed for that heavy weight in her chest to lift and vanish. She had no doubts that he was going to be a fantastic father, she could already tell, just by the way he cared for Ellie. She could only imagine the lengths he would have gone to for Sarah, his own flesh and blood. How he single handedly raised -well, both those girls in one way or another, was all the evidence that she needed to prove that no matter what the plan was for their own relationship, this tiny baby was always going to have their Dad within arms reach. That's all she could want... She just hoped that she could live up to him to be just as good as a mother- something she didn't ever expect to be.

This small child and this serene moment opening her eyes to a sudden, vulnerable yet beautiful realisation; she was always going to have her baby. When the days were long, cold and bleary; she'd come home to the sweet little voice of her son or daughter enthusiastically calling out for her. On the nights where terrors would ensue, she'd wipe away their tears and hold them to her chest, singing soothing lullabies until the sun rose. The big brown eyes (those were already a given) sparkling up at her as they spoke 'I love you, mama' and the little hugs around her knees, the evenings spent cuddled up on the couch, the weekends out in the woods collecting autumn leaves, the bed time stories, the constant of a full house... With her baby, she'd never be alone or without love again... With her baby, she would always have a sense of belonging- a family.

She tried not to let herself get too far ahead, tried not to fall head over heels in love with the life growing within her but it was so damn hard not to - a stark contrast from her thoughts earlier on that day. The wishes for it to just all go away, for everything to go back to how it used to be... What a selfish thought to have had, she now deemed it.

There was so much to do, so much to learn and figure out but first things first, they needed to find out a little more about what was happening. Neither of them had any idea on how far gone the pregnancy was to start with. Joel was adamant that it must be fairly early on but could he really be sure? The controlled logistical side of his mind reassuring him that she couldn't be any more than three months along... there'd be a bump otherwise, right? Ava was still haunted by the memory of that one woman she met in a QZ once, the one who was completely flat at nine months along and gave birth on the bog. The story suddenly triggering the more anxious, distrusting side of his brain. What if he had got her pregnant the first time they fucked, that was...shit, over six months ago. Every time after flashing into his mind... the lack of any protection or precaution, the thrill it gave him to thrust his spend as deeply into her as he could get it as if his subconscious primal aim was to impregnate her the entire time... he couldn't lie, it had very much become a newfound kink of his... one in which he was a little gutted to no longer be able to indulge in once the baby was here- he certainly did not want anymore. In any other circumstance, the image of her splayed out and bared to him on his bed with his cum dripping down her thighs, would have had him more solid than an iron rod but for now it was only guilt that riled through him for how he'd put her into this predicament and then walked away. The number one priority was working out how long they had left to prepare... He of course also wanted to make sure that everything was healthy, both mother and the baby.