Don't let go: Joel Miller x OC

Lost and Found

It was funny almost, how the dreary blanket of grey that had lingered over Jackson for weeks now had begun to gradually dissipate in the days to come. The clouds slowly beginning to swirl back towards the mountain tops where they would usually reside; skinny golden rays penetrating through the density to illuminate the small town beneath. It was almost poetic, how the weather improved with Ava's phycological state; little slivers of light gradually threading more and more holes through the thick stubborn fog making its home in her soul. It had still been tough, still was even with the next few days bringing a small but positive shift in Ava's mental state. She was still very much reserved, isolating herself away from the world but at least now she was choosing to eat; even if it was just picking and nibbling at some crackers or fruit and would muster up the strength for basic hygiene such as a quick shower and cleaning her teeth. She also looked just that little bit more at peace when she closed her eyes. Joel had noticed that much, as she laid beside him on a night. Still not in his arms as she once would have been but also not curled up in on herself at the very far side of the mattress. Small improvements... but improvements nonetheless.

He kept telling himself that it was just time. A chant repeating itself over and over within his mind just to give him a thread of hope: She just needs time, she just needs time. After her breakdown on the hill, there had definitely been a level progress... He wasn't so worried that she would end up harming herself the moment he turned his back, like he had attempted. That had to count for something, right?

Even still, he missed her. His home feeling so very vacant and spacious without her perfect chaos. He longed for the day where she would come back to him. The day where she would sit across his lap on an evening, wine glass in one hand and the other draped around the back of his neck whilst she would gently twirl the loose curls around her fingers, asking him to tell her something about himself that she didn't already know. The day where he could once again feel the warmth of her soft lips brush against his, luring him into a deeper kiss whilst smiling dumbly against his mouth. The day that he could make her feel safe again... He had to tell himself repeatedly that day would come, he wasn't sure how he'd cope if he didn't but only time would tell when.

He sat idly on the couch with an elbow propped up on the arm rest and his forehead resting within his palm, eyelids loosely closed whilst trying to will himself to a level of peace. There was no intention of a midday snooze, it was not a habit he wanted to fall into but with his head feeling this heavy, the sweet embrace of nothingness that total darkness offered was more than needed, even if just for a few minutes.

He hadn't allowed himself the time to grieve the loss of his son, and he had no intentions of doing so. What good would it do? He'd start grieving and then never stop... It'd be like history repeating itself- he couldn't afford that this time around, not whilst he still had Ava and Ellie to take care of. He had kept himself busy over the weeks; continuing to manage and coordinate the patrols, compiling the list of odd jobs around the house that he had noted over the course of the year and completing them. The wobbly leg on the table - fixed, the drippy tap in the main bathroom - tightened, the godawful maroon colour on the living room walls- repainted. Any spare time he found himself with now being spent with his back propped up against the headboard and Ava laid beside him whilst he read through the seemingly endless pages of his new book. He had never been much of a reader and to be frank, the book was shit but it served its purpose by allowing him to replicate what Maria had done for her those years ago.

Although keeping busy felt like the right thing to do, it had definitely taken a toll on him.

His meditative state abruptly interrupted by the persistent knocking noise of a fist at the door. Joel rubbed the heel of his palm into the sockets of his eyes, a burst of colour exploding into the serenity of the darkness whilst a heavy huff of bothersome air expelled from his lungs. Five goddamn minutes alone- that's all he asked for. A quiet groan straining from his lips whilst he slowly hauled himself to his feet, knees creaking in the process before trudging into the entryway. There was a beat of hesitancy as he prepared himself to politely ask who ever it was on the other side to fuck off and leave him be. He reached for the handle, twisting and pulling the partition open a small fraction.