Don't let go: Joel Miller x OC

A Shared Burden

The brutal events of that day hadn't gone without affecting the youngest woman of the group. She had tried to put on a strong, impenetrable facade throughout the ordeal to appease both Joel and Tess. To prove that she was just as capable as they were, whilst remembering Marlene's words from when she first met the pair of ex-smugglers back in Boston. Was capable even the correct word? Or was it more ruthless and violent? Perhaps the latter was better suited at that point in time... Either way, today had only proved to the almost adult that she was not like them, at least not yet. Concluding that perhaps she would need to experience a huge, devastating, mind consuming loss in order to conduct an unprovoked murder without feeling the gnawing agony of guilt. To be able to move on with her day as if it was nothing.

Ellie laid motionless within her plushy sleeping bag, her eyes closed as she tried to encourage herself to sleep. It wasn't very effective when the darkness only painted a blank canvas at the back of her eyes for the play backs of her kill running on rewind and the fact that the very sleeping bag she was submerged in belonged to them. She didn't think she would ever understand how Tess laid completely passed out just a few feet beside her, blissfully asleep and unphased.

She'd thought about maybe pulling Ava aside to get it off her chest... she was the easiest person to speak with about this sort of stuff with her abundance of empathy but after her own little revelation at meal time, it seemed inappropriate to burden her with more. Instead, she just continued to lay there with her eyes shut.

She did this for hours until the sound of boots pacing their way through the camp alerted her attention. She felt herself exhale a small relieved puff of air upon realising it was just Joel. She'd come to recognise the sound of his heavy footsteps over the years, not even needing to peer out from under her weary lids for confirmation. His strides eventually fading out of ears reach whilst she continued to lay still.

Perhaps Jackson and Ava and being a real Dad again had softened him... maybe he couldn't sleep because of what he just did also?  Her brows lowered into a frown. That seemed unlikely... They soon softened back to their neutral position as she weighed up her options. Maybe she could try and talk to Joel? She knew she wouldn't get the sympathy card from him but perhaps hearing him put it all into perspective would help her feel a bit better about it?

Ellie tossed and turned for a few more minutes before eventually giving in and wriggling out from within the insulated material that engulfed her. She needed to get it off her chest if she was going to get any shut eye and it would seem that Joel was the only other person awake and not on watch with a potential listening ear. She almost snorted to herself at the thought. How this time last month, she had disregarded their relationship entirely, hoping to have nowt to do with him and yet here she was once again seeking that parental comfort from him, just like before.

She carefully padded her way around Tess and trailed off into the direction where Joel's steps disappeared, being conscious to not wake the older woman that had looked out for her over the past couple of years in his absence.

Her movements were noiseless as she moved around the cedar trunks that stood tall above them all. Her slight figure stilled as she spotted him, slumped down on an old fallen log besides Tommy. Both of their backs turned to the camp.

Their conversation looked deep although she couldn't hear what was being said. Perhaps she was right and that little thought from earlier wasn't as ridiculous as she had imagined. Maybe he was struggling with the murders he had committed and needed to speak with someone? Her brows furrowed again. No, that just really didn't seem like Joel. Her face twisting as she remembered that he had just learned that his wife used to willingly whore herself out... now that seemed like something he would have more of a problem accepting and would maybe seek guidance from his brother on...that and the very obvious fact that his daughter had been essentially kidnapped and held at ransom... yeah that is likely something he'd be struggling with as well...