Don't let go: Joel Miller x OC

My Past and Present

The late morning chorus of flittering song sparrows danced among the gentle summer breeze that drifted between the translucent blooming leaves above. Trickles of warm daylight seeped between the abundance of forest greenery, highlighting a multitude of spots on the shaded woodland floor.

It had been days since the turbulent events that transpired in Boise. The haunting image of Red being engulfed by that horde of infected burned into her mind forever. The screeches and guttural clicks alongside the animals last strained grunts of life. Visions that would jolt Ava awake at night with a start at the image of Joel going down with the mare.

She leant back against his chest as he gathered up Maxi's reins in his own grip. Allowing herself to fall into a state of maladaptive daydreams. Ones that she were in control of, not as nightmarish as the visions that plagued her under the darkness of the late hours.

Joel would watch. Keeping one eye on her and the other on the path ahead. She'd been awfully quiet, more so than usual. A vacant expression adorned her face as soon as he would take the lead, submissive to everything that was happening around her. Gone was the bubbly spirit and fight she came with all those years ago, he couldn't help but feel responsible.

Her head tilted to the side as she gazed off into the horizon. His sights glanced over her solemn form, the red marks of his grasp on her jaw faded within minutes bar one small purple bruise that sat just below her ear. She didn't seem to notice, neither did any of the others or at least if they had, none of them had breathed a word about it. He noticed it, though. A harsh reminder just for him of his abrasion towards her... it made his stomach churn.

Don't hurt innocent women. That was the unspoken rule. That had always been the unspoken rule before Jackson, before even Boston... He let his fear get the better of him and he hurt her...

"You're bein' quiet..." He murmured as he allowed her body to relax back into him.

Ava's head shook subtly, her voice calm with a faint twitch to her lips, "Just... missing my baby, s'all."

Yeah... That was something he could agree with. A puff of deflated air left his nostrils as his focus briefly met up with the path ahead, "Yeah, me too... We'll get her back though. I ain't leavin' Seattle 'til we do."

He hoped that his words would provide some sort of comfort but he was instead met without a response, her just looking numbly ahead.

His dipped head to brush a gentle peck to the side of her temple but his eyes soon widened as she harshly gasped and convulsed a twitch like flinch at his touch.

It was there, right in the forefront of his brain that it was him that caused this reaction. He was supposed to protect her... not scare her. His eyes squeezed shut as he retracted away from her personal space. The feeling cutting deep within his gut, a stabbing pain through the organ that pumped icy cold blood through his veins. He failed her... so many times, his temper and apoplectic ways would get the better of him and whether it be his aloofness, bitter words or unintentional aggression, he'd end up hurting her in one way or another. She'd be so much better off without him, they both would... it'd be for the best.

His voice was no louder than a whisper as he wetted his lips with a sigh, "M'sorry..."

Ava's brows pulled together as her necked craned back to catch sight of him, a sense of confusion in her tone, "What for?"

It took him a few seconds of huffs and stumbled words before he was able to string the sentence together out loud. It always hit differently once the unspoken words were voiced, another sharp pain to the gut, "Shouldn't have grabbed you like that... the other day..."

Her dainty fingers came up to gently trace over the almost blemish free skin that he had manhandled in the days prior. If she was honest, she hadn't paid much mind to how he had mistreated her physically in that moment. Putting it down to Joel being... well, Joel- unable to appropriately express his negative emotions. She trusted that he would never intentionally inflict injury to her... He just needed her to listen... It was the words he spoke that had her quiet and the events prior that had her shaken. What would she do if he didn't make it? Why couldn't they just have each others backs and work together to keep each other safe?