Broken

Chapter 9

Chris pov...

I take a deep breath and lean back in the couch... I am not going to lose her... I am going to talk. I take another sip of my drink and Sammie pours herself another drink again... "I let other people get in my head..." I start... "I know it is not an excuse and i am pathetic for it... But it is what happened..." I say and she takes a deep breath her face tense... 

"In your head how?" She asks and i sigh... "When our relationship came out in the open... There was tweet after tweet saying you were with me for the money... Discussion on gosip sites and podcasts and all that shit... That you were too young... That you were not good enough and that you were using me... That i basically was a sugar daddy... I could ignore that for the most part. They were just strangers who didn't know you... Who dont know me... It would eventually die down and there would be a new story..." I say and Sammie just looks at me. If you dont know Sammie, you would think that she had no feelings about this information at all... But i could see it in her eyes... The hurt... The anger...

But she says nothing as she just listens to me talk... "But then someone on my team... Someone on my team started to say that all this gossip about you and me was going to ruin you... That it would ruin any chance you had of building your own career... That you were too soft to deal with all that vile gossip... That our relationship would break you... That if i loved you i would let you go... Then you got ambushed by paparazzi coming from work... You were so panicked and scared..." I say and she sighs... 

"You say it like they were just 2... There where at least 20..." She mumbles and i sigh... "I know... God i know and looking back at everything i feel so stupid... But it got in my head... I thought that the person who kept saying it would break you was right... I hated seeing you so scared... You were like this nervous deer looking around you every time we got out the house..." I say and she sighs again... I just continue as i am now on a role... "I laid awake for nighst... Watching you sleep... Even in your dreams you were scared... It broke my heart... Sammie... You deserve the world... You deserve to be seen as the sweet caring person you are... The woman with this great big heart... I thought i was protecting you... I thought by giving you up i gave you that..." I whisper and she looks at me hurt...

"Then why were you so angry when i showed up at your door... Telling me this i can understand your behavior when you walked out... You looked hurt like you were in pain... But when i showed up you just looked so angry... You looked at me with disgust before slamming the door in my face..." Sammie asks and i sigh... 

I look at my hands. I know i have to tell her the whole truth and as what i told her up till now was painful enough, the next part... The next part was going to get me kicked out for sure... I had hoped she would not have picked up on that or had forgotten it... That the answer i gave her which was the truth was enough... I didn't want to tell her the next part if she not really asked for it... 

But my sweet Sammie knew me like no other and had picked up on my anger then... For a moment i contemplate telling her it was because she showed up... That i was just angry she would not leave me alone... If only it was like that... If only i had not believed the person who told me she had stolen from me... A few weeks after this person claimed Sammie had stolen from me it came out it was bullshit... It was the day i went looking for Sammie only to find her place empty and Sammie gone... Ma had made sure of it that i knew i was wrong.... Ma had told me it was impossible because the day of the charges on my credit card Sammie was with her... They were at the spa... Ma had given her a spa day to spend with a friend for her birthday. But instead, Sammie had taken her... Ma was so flattered that she would spend the day at the spa with her instead with one of her friends... 

"Remember that 2 weeks before we broke up that my credit card disappeared..." I mumble and Sammie nods... "Yeah, you had lost it at my place, it had fallen out your pocket or something... I had found it in the couch cushions... You had ordered us pizza the night before..." Sammie says not realizing were i am going with this... "Well, the day before you showed up at my door i got told that there were charges on my card that were not made by me..." I say swallowing hard as i can see the realization set in on her face...