Broken

Chapter 10

Sammie pov...

I got my answer... I got what i wanted for so long, and yet... It did not give me the relief i had hoped for... It did not feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I always thought that if i got an answer i could let it go... But why did i feel worse now... Why does my heart feel even more broken. I always believed that no matter what the answer was i would be able to put it all behind me... But as i am lying here in my bed staring at the ceiling i am heartbroken all over again... It had been nothing i did... Not directly... 

I had been naive... Thinking we would make it. But we never stood a chance... She was in his head... Kim... The woman who would belittle me... "O honey when he is done with you i will be there to help him through it... And make no mistake... He will be done with you soon... So dont bother getting comfortable... We all know why you are with him, and he will figure that out himself soon enough..." That was the first thing she had said to me on the night we met. Chris had gone to get us some drinks at the bar... She had said it smiling and i such a nauseatingly sweet tone... A tone that made me sick...

I was so shocked by that statement that i was not able to respond... I had never told Chris about that and maybe i should have but they were friends for so long... She is his manager and i did not want to be known as the girl who caused drama. Now i had to wonder would it have made a difference if i had... I had told him about a few things over the time we were together... But it was always, oh she is just protective... We grew up together she wants what is best for me... Followed by a, she will come around and will love you almost as much as i do... Maybe i should have pushed back harder...

But to hear that he had been so easily manipulated and didn't even bother to talk to me... That it not even crossed his mind that i had an opinion in all of this to... To factor me into the decision to break it off... And i know someone does not have to, to break something off...  Yes i had freaked out when 20 paparazzi showed up at my work trying to follow me home... Which i guess had not helped my case and made it even easier for her... But it was so scary...

 But what hurt the most is that he believed i stole from him. I dont know why he thought that... I had never asked him for anything. I had never expected him to pay for anything. I dont care about money. I didn't expect grand gestures on my birthday or Christmas...  Dont get me wrong, money is easy and nice to have... Ever since my books started to sell i have more money than i ever dreamed off. It paid for this nice apartment. I didn't have to worry about bills anymore... I did not have to think twice in a grocery store on what to buy... That was all the case when i was with Chris... But still i never asked him for anything... All i wanted was him... All i wanted was to be loved...  

But that brings me to the ultimatum i gave him... I probably have no right to tell him to choose... But i am not letting my sweet girl around that vile woman. But the longer i thought about it the more scared i got... What if he chooses her... What if he walks out on us... Us? Wow where did that come from... Sophie... What if he walks out on Sophie...  I lay there confused, so tired... Desperately wanting to sleep but my mind would not let me... 

Chris pov...

I got a choice to make... This should not be hard right?  Sophie and Sammie were the obvious choice. So why did i find this so hard. Kim would understand right? She would want me to be happy... I was happy as long as i was with Sammie and Sophie. But why did i have this nagging feeling that she would not. Why did i get the feeling i was missing something. 

I sigh and pull out my phone... I want to call ma... But it is the middle of the night... I need her advice... But that would be a long talk... A talk that would start with telling her she has a granddaughter... That i have a kid... It is true that ma and Kim were always a little tense around each other. And now that i think about it Carly is tense around her to... Ma had been so angry with me when i told her what i had done... That i had slammed the door in Sammie's face... When i told her why. She was shocked at first, but she asked me to show proof... She just could not believe that Sammie had done that... She turned out to be right... 

The more i think about Kim's reaction to all this, doubt sets in... Had i been blind to her behavior... Had she really been so vile behind my back... I had gone to Sammie's place to discover someone else living there... Sammie was gone... I had asked Kim to look for her. But she came back to me saying she could not find her. When i said i wanted to hire a private investigator Kim said to let it go... That she had disappeared for a reason and that i could not treat her like that... That i had to deal with the fact she was gone... For her... For me... The more i think back about the conversations i had with Kim about Sammie the more i started to doubt things... It is like i can see the conversations for what they were now. She never really had a positive thing to say about Sammie... But she never said anything outright... The more i think about it the more i see it were little jabs... She had been really eager to tell me that Sammie could not handle it... I had asked her if she knew where Sammie could be... Kim told me she had no idea... But that she was probably far away... And that that was proof enough that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore... 

I had never expected Sammie to be in New York... I never expected her to be so close... Just a 5-hour drive... Sammie and my little girl had been so close and i did not know. But now i start to wonder... Had Sammie been so good at hiding... Did Kim even look for her... Did Kim have something to do with all that happened. I am so confused. I dont want to believe it. She has been my friend for so long. We grew up together. 

I sigh and go to bed... I close my eyes trying to get some sleep. The last sentence Sammie said to me tonight running through my mind... "For what is worth... I really hope you will make the right choice..." Did this mean there is hope... Hope for her and i... Hope on a future with Sammie... To be a family... God this is torture... Deserved torture... I need to sleep... Tomorrow is going to be an emotional day...