Broken

Chapter 11

Chris pov...

Sammie was taking Sophie to daycare and doing some grocery shopping on her way back. We had barely spoken a word this morning. It was civil but not like we had before. She kept her distance... She was protecting herself until we had fully worked this out... We both looked like we haven't slept. I could see Sammie working on automatic pilot with Sophie... Sophie was still her cheery happy little self, oblivious to everything going on... She had slept great and was full of energy to spend at daycare... She was excited to go and see her friends but did ask if i was going to be here when she got back... I promised i would, kissing her little head... 

But now that Sammie and Sophie are out, i can't put it off anymore... I am dreading this call... I am dreading telling ma but i need to talk to her. I need to tell someone. I need someone's input... Someone i trust and that is ma...

I sigh and press the call button... The phone rings twice before she picks up... "Hello sweetheart..." She chirps through the phone but i say nothing. "Helloooo..." She says as i just stay quiet... "Chris?" She says again and i take a deep breath as sob escaping me... "Chris? Are you okay? What is wrong..." She says and i hear the panic in her voice...

"I am good... I am good... Sorry..." I manage to croak out. "You dont sound to good..." Ma says still with worry in her voice and i sigh... "Are you busy?" I ask my voice trembling. "It is okay baby, tell me what is going on?" She says and i take a deep breath...

"You might want to sit down..." I say and i can hear ma take in a deep breath... "Chris... You are scaring me... What is going on..." She says her voice now sterner. "I found Sammie..." I whisper and there is a gasp on the other side of the line... "Sammie?" She whispers and i hum... "Omg... How is she..." Ma says all excited her voice squeaky and i take a deep breath... "She is good... Living here in New York... She is a published writer now..." I say pausing for a second and i can feel ma smiling she has always believed that she would succeed in that she was Sammie's biggest cheerleader and Sammie would always let her read what she was writing... "That is gre..." She starts to say but i cut her off.... "She is a mother..." I say and ma stays quiet... "Chris it has been a long time... You can't expect her to..." Ma says but i cut her off again... "A little girl... 3 years old..." I say and ma stays silent again... She stays silent for a few seconds as if she is doing the math in her head... "Wait a minute... You guys broke up just over 3 years ago..." Ma says with confusion in her voice... I dont know what to say as i have to bite back my tears but am losing the battle... 

"Chris? Are you still there?" Ma says and i hum... "Yeah still here..." I say through my tears my voice hoarse because tears are streaming down my face... "Chris... Is... is... is she yours?" Ma asks and she sounds as if she is gasping for breath. I have to pull myself together as i wipe away my tears... "You have a little girl? You and Sammie have a daughter?" She whispers and i stay quiet as i am unable to speak absolutely crying all the tension of the last couple of days coming to the surface...

"Christopher Robert Evans!! Answer me! Do you have a daughter...!" Ma now actually yells through the phone... "Ye... Yes..." I barely manage to get out. "OMG... OMG... OMG... I have another grandbaby..." Ma says her voice squeaky, and she sounds excited which i guess is a good thing... Then the questions start and i feel dizzy not knowing which to answer first... 

"Ma... Can you please calm down... One question at a time... I cant answer them all at once..." I say and she sighs... "Sorry... I just... I can't believe it..." She says and i sigh... "Her name is Sophie Christina..." I say and ma gasps... "Sophie Christina... What a beautiful name... Sammie named her after you...?" Ma whispers and i sigh. "Mhm..." I hum and she sighs... "Did you meet her? What is she like?" Ma asks and this brings a smile on my face thinking about Sophie makes me so happy and i can't help but smile... "Yeah i have been staying here with Sammie getting to know Sophie..." I say and i can feel ma smiling... "That is nice sweetheart..." She says and i take a deep breath... "She is the sweetest little girl... So bright and always smiling... She loves Disney especially Ariel... She loves pizza and memory she is so bright and bubbly... She looks like me..." I whisper ma gasps... "She does? Can you send me a picture...?" Ma says and i hum again... 

"So what is going to happen now... Does Sophie know you are her dad?" She asks and i sigh... "She knows... We told her... You should have seen her face she just accepted the information with a beautiful smile... It was like she already knew somehow... She just put her hands on my face with her beautiful smile and called me daddy... I thought my heart was going to burst... She is so precious..." I say and ma takes another deep breath... "Daddy... You are a daddy..." Ma says with wonder in her voice and i smirk... "Yeah..."I mumble smiling at those words and ma chuckles... "So what is going to happen now... How is Sammie dealing with all this... I mean... Why did she not tell you..." Ma says and i take a deep breath... 

"That is why i am calling... I need some advice... Or maybe some encouragement..." I say and the line stays quiet... "Okay..." Ma finally says and i take a deep breath... I explain everything and with everything i mean everything... I explain my feelings... My desires... I explain about the day Sammie showed up at my door and i just threw it shut in her face... "Oh my god she was going to tell you she was pregnant?" Ma says and i feel nothing but shame and guilt... "Yes..." I mumble and ma groans... "Poor girl... She must have been so scared and felt so alone..." Ma says and i close my eyes letting those words sink in. I continue and tell her about the conversation last night and about the demand Sammie had made... 

The line stays quiet for a second... "Good for her..." Ma says and i am shocked... I knew ma and Kim were not the best of friends, they were civil but that was about it... But she says it with no hesitation in her voice. She sounded rather proud... "What is the issue, Chris?  Are you really struggling with that choice... For the love of God, it is not... Kim or you daughter... It is not that hard..." She says and i hum... "I know it is not... I just need to hear it..." I mumble and ma sighs... "Are you ready to listen now?" Ma asks and i am confused... "Dont you remember we... Meaning Carly and i, tried to talk about Kim with you before...?" She says and i groan knowing i am going to hate myself even more for what is to come... That i am going to hate myself for dismissing my sister and mother...

"Kim is a delusional and vindictive woman... We tried to tell you before, but you would never listen... Why did you think relationships never worked out... I can understand Sammie's stance on this and sorry sweetheart... But i am on her side with this... Kim worked you... Kim chased all girlfriends away because she had this delusion that one day you would notice her more like a friend, and you two would finally end up together... Carly and i tried to tell you but you told us you didn't want to hear and to drop the subject or you would not speak to us... It was after Sammie was gone... I am sorry sweetheart... But Kim drunkenly confessed at a party to Carly that she finally managed to get rid of Sammie... She used some very colorful language talking about Sammie..." Ma rants and i just sit there in shock... I remember the day that they wanted to talk with me about Kim... But i indeed would not listen... 

"She told Carly that it was not easy this time... That Sammie was harder to get rid of than the rest...." Ma says her voice now soft and laced with pain. "Why didn't you push to tell me this..." I whisper with tears in my eyes... "Chris... You threatened to never speak to us again if we kept bad mouthing Kim... We didn't want to lose you and leave you vulnerable in the hands of that woman... We chose to wait until you were ready to hear... Besides the damage was done... Sammie was gone... I know... Maybe we should have pushed harder but i could not stand the thought of losing my baby boy..." Ma says now crying... 

"I am sorry sweetheart... I am so sorry..." She says and my heart breaks... "Ma... Please stop crying... It is not your fault... It is mine... I was so blind and stupid..." I whisper as we cry together...