Broken

Chapter 71

Sammie pov...

We come home and are greeted by Lisa and Sophie playing board games. "Did you two have fun?" Lisa asked and before Chris could talk i cut him off. "Yes, so much fun we had an early dinner and just talked, catching up. It was lovely." I say smiling.

It wasn't a total lie but i know Chris, he couldn't keep a secret from his mom even if his life depended on it. We played another game with Lisa and Sophie having a good time but i had to excuse myself to throw up again. This was going to be harder to keep to ourselves then i thought.

I checked up on Julia feeding her and just cuddle with her rocking back and forth in the chair in the nursery. Chris was taking Sophie to bed and as i looked at my little girl sleeping in my arms. I started to panic. I put her in her crib, she was sleeping totally oblivious to everything around her.

I couldn't do this i thought to myself. It was going to be hard enough with 1 new baby, while Julia would just turn one.... Let alone 2 babies. I could feel the panic starting to sink in and my chest was getting tighter. I walked out of the nursery and into our bedroom. I slide down to the floor my back against the bed my head between my knees as i tried to calm myself down. "Breath Sammie, just fucking breath" I mumbled to myself. You can't let anyone see you like this. What if they think you are a bad mother, because you are already panicking, and the babies aren't even here yet. Oh god... Chris is going to hate me... He is going to think i am a terrible mother.

"Babe?" I hear a voice call out for me. I need to calm myself down. "Get a grip Sammie." I mumble scolding myself, but nothing is happening the panic doesn't go away and it is getting harder to breath.

"Babe?" I hear again and as i look up i see Chris crouched down in front of me. "Breath baby...Just breath." He says in a soft calming voice. "I.... I.... I can't." I say between gasps.

"Look at me baby." He says again in a calming voice as he puts his finger under my chin making me look at him. "Breath with me.... In.....and out .... In.... and out." He repeats this a few times until i am finally breathing normally again.

"I am sorry." I say as i start sobbing. "I am so sorry." I say still sobbing. "Baby what is going on? What are you sorry for?" He asks while caressing my cheek.

"I am just freaking out." I say sobbing. "We are going to have 4 kids... with 3 under the age of 2. What if i can't do this... what if i am going to be a horrible mother."

"Oh baby." He says pulling me in his arms. "You're not going to be a horrible mother, besides you're not alone. I am here and we maybe think about getting a nanny to help you out when i have to work..."

I shake my head. "I dont want a nanny." I say sobbing clinging on to Chris. "Okay baby." He says kissing the top of my head. "But baby you will be great, you're such an amazing mom to our girls already... that these two are so lucky to have you as their mom."

"Why dont I run you a bath and you just relax baby." I nod and Chris stand up holding his hand out for me to take. He pulls me in his arms, and we just stand there as he rubs my back. "I am so tired." I hum "Can we just go to bed?" I whisper. "Of course, baby." He says kissing me. I undress and go freshen myself up. When i walk back into the bedroom Chris is already in bed and i crawl in cuddling into him falling asleep fast.

Chris pov...

As soon as Sammie is cuddled into me totally exhausted, she falls asleep. I stare at the ceiling as i hold her close. Seeing her break down broke my heart, but after 3 weeks alone with the girls while feeling sick due to morning sickness and me not responding particular well, it was no surprise.