Broken

Chapter 25

Sammie pov...

Ever since i had given into my feelings, i felt lighter. Like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders. Chris had been wonderful... He was the man i remember and that was nice... Everything i had asked of him for the move he had done... He had put things in motion for another manager... I could see it was killing him... Not that he had to, change manager but that he had been played for so long... More and more things came out. He told me everything... It was even worse than i had thought... Even Scarlet who had been Chris his longtime friend... And with that mine had been a victim of Kim's antics... I never had been worried about their friendship... I loved Scarlet. So, to hear that Kim threatened her to stay away from Chris was just ridiculous to me... It was laughable... It only proved to me that she was completely nuts... The fact that Chris was so open about everything only made me more confident... Confident we could make it... Confident that we had a future together... Together with our little girl...

I had been busy to... I talked to my publisher saying that i would move to Boston for the time being. This was not a problem... I could even have the face-to-face meetings at their new Boston office... I had a talk at the day care that Sophie would not be coming back because of the move, she had one last day to say goodbye to everyone... She had been so excited to show off her dad when we went to pick her up... It brought up the fact that the news of Chris having a kid would come out sooner or later and this made him put everything in motion quicker... I had brought up the DNA test again, but Chris would not hear of it... I dont know why he was so stubborn and against it... Even when Lisa tried to back me up on it. Understanding that i wanted it for his protection he shut it down. Part of me was touched that he did not want it... But i knew there would be a point were it was needed... I was scared for the effect this would have on Chris his career... I did not want the decision i had made about 3 years ago hurt his career... But for now i stopped pushing he did want to hear of it so i let it go... For now... 

 I had brunch with Sara and Liam... I was going to miss them, but they told me they would visit when they could and i would visit them... They seemed happy for me... Liam even said i looked happier... I am happy... I was slowly embracing the idea of being a family with Chris... I was feeling more and more relaxed around him. The voice in the back of my head telling me it was all not real was getting softer and softer... But i was advised by my lawyer to put things on paper... So, both Chris and i were protected in the future. So that Sophie would be protected... But when i brought it up for Chris he pushed that back to... I think he is scared that i would change my mind...

I didn't tell Chris but i had an appointment with my doctor... I needed birth control... I even went and bought condoms stuffing them in my suitcase while packing my things... I was not taking chances... It had come close a few times, but something was holding me back... Mostly my own insecurities... The fact my body had changed after the pregnancy and not being able to work out as much... I know Chris has a gym in his home so i told myself to use it when we would move in... I could not do anything about the stretch marks... But maybe i could get in better shape... My ass could use some work... My stomach could be flatter... I was no longer having abs... I could be more flexible... So maybe pick up yoga... If all else fails maybe just leave the lights off and he would not notice... 

I let the doorman of my building know that we would be moving, but i was not selling the apartment. He said he was going to miss us, and he would hold my mail and make sure the apartment was okay... I had said goodbye to some other friends i had made over time...  

I had packed up as much stuff of Sophie and i as i could mostly her toys... Clothes could be bought but Sophie had some toys she was attached to so that had to come with... I had packed most of my own clothes and a few little Knick knacks... Things i was attached to... It was weird leaving so much behind. But i didn't want the apartment to be empty in case we were going to stay here for visits... Chris and i had a long talk in which we agreed to be together and agreed there would not be a move back date... We promised to keep communicating and to talk when something was bothering us instead of letting it simmer... 

A lot had happened... But now we were driving out of New York making our way to Boston... Sophie was on the back seat watching the little mermaid singing along... She was seeing all this like on big adventure... I on the other hand was a little anxious... I was still 100% sure of my decision but still... I had let Boston behind vowing to never come back... To many memories there and i was scared that i was not able to deal with them... 

I smile at Chris as he takes my hand in his and kisses the back of it... "Are you okay, sweetheart?" He asks and i sigh and nod blushing a little... "Just a little anxious..." I whisper and Chris kisses the back of my hand again... "Anything you need... You just tell me..." He says and i squeeze his hand... 

"I will be okay..." I say and kiss his hand back... I look over my shoulder to Sophie who is fully ingulfed by the little mermaid still singing along with the songs... "Are you ready for that the rest of your days?" I ask him and he has a big smirk on his face... "O absolutely..." He says and i giggle... 

Halfway we stop for something to eat... Sophie ordering her own fries with the waitress. She got a picture to color with some crayons... She was sitting in Chris his lap her little tongue out of her mouth fully concentrated on the task at hand... Chris just has the biggest smile on his face having Sophie in his lap... I have to say it is adorable... He is a natural dad... He was born for this... 

"So, i was thinking..." Chris says and i smirk. "Oh. ooh... That is never good..." I joke and he looks at me feigning being hurt... He chuckles and shakes his head before he continues. "I was thinking that once we have settled in, we could redecorate the house... You know to make it more our place..." He says and i look at him stunned... I sigh and look down at my fingers... "We will see... Let's get settled in first..." I say nervously... I did not have the heart to tell him that his house would probably never feel like OUR house... Would it be a home... Sure... But it would always be his place... 

"Sammie? Talk to me..." He says and i look up at him... "Communication is key... Your words..." He says and i blush... "Can we talk about it when Sophie is asleep..." I whisper and Chris nods... "Do you have doubts?" He asks a little worried and i smile and shake my head... "No... I feel more confident about it every day... But please understand that it is complicated... It is not all rainbows and sunshine in my head... I try... I really try but there is so much hurt for me in Boston..." I say and he takes my hand... "I know... I am sorry... Again, whatever you need, okay?" He says and i smile and squeeze his hand... "I know..." I whisper.

After we eat, we get on the road again and an hour later we see the sign that says Boston... I shift in my seat and take a deep breath. Part of me wants to tell Chris to turn the car around. But when he takes my hand because he senses my anxiety, it eases down. I look over my shoulder at Sophie who is asleep... The closer we get to Chris his place the more i recognize and the more my emotions come to the surface... I see the place i parked my car after getting the door slammed in my face and i have to fight my tears... I was so upset that i had to take a moment back then... Then we pull into his street and i see the house... 

He pulls up and i sigh as he parks the car... I never thought i would be back here and as much as i tried to mentally prepare for this moment it was hard...