Broken

Chapter 17

Chris pov...

While i had put Sophie to bed she had woken up... I listen to Sophie sleepily babble about her day at day care and with Sara... She had a blast. She seems to love daycare and her auntie Sasa... She doesn't call her Sara, but Sasa and it is the cutest thing ever... She has this lazy smile on her face as she was fighting to stay awake... "You have to go to sleep little one..." I whisper kissing her forehead... "Noooo... I am not sleepy..." She protests barely able to keep her eyes open... "Yeeeees..." I say matching her tone and she giggles... "Go to sleep..." I say standing up... 

"Daddy?" She says in a sweet, sweet, overly sweet tone and i smirk... This little girl knows how to stall... Or maybe i am just wrapped around her little fingers already... "Yes baby?" I say and she looks at me with those big blue sleepy eyes... "Are you going to stay here forever? With me and mommy?" She asks and i take in a sharp breath... Okay this is not the question i was expecting... I can't lie to her. I dont want to lie to her... But how do i answer it without hurting her... My mind is racing as i have a split second to answer it otherwise it would be weird... I sit back down and run my hand through her hair... "I am planning on being in your life forever and ever... No matter where i am... I am just a phone call away... Okay?" I say and she looks a little sad... "Okay..." She mumbles and her sad look breaks my heart... 

"I love you sweetheart... Wherever i am... I always love you..." I whisper and she looks at me a little smile on her face... "I love you to, daddy..." She whispers and i freeze... This is the first time she has said it and i know she practically is repeating what i have just said but still... A tear runs down my cheek, and she puts her little hand on my face... "Dont cwy daddy..." She says and i smile through my tears... "These are not sad tears sweetheart... Happy tears... I promise." I whisper and kiss her forehead again...

I clear my throat... "Now... Time to sleep..." I say and stroke my hand over her face to close her eyes making her giggle... She turns to her side and takes the giraffe i had given her clutching it in her arms... I turn off the lights and walk out, softly closing the door behind me... 

I have to take a few breaths to calm myself... My emotions all over the place... Joy and happiness because that little girl loves me... Sadness because there will be a time i have to leave... I have to go back to work... I need to talk to Sammie... We need to figure something out because i dont want to be away from Sophie... How can i leave her and not see her for a long period of time... I had tried to get more time off... But it was tough and this morning while Sammie was out i got the news it was not possible... Contracts already have been signed... Getting out of them would be a nightmare... The start date for my next project had already been set... People were counting on me... But then again... So was Sophie... So was Sammie... My team had really tried... But it could not be done...

Sammie and i were finally getting closer... We were taking baby steps forward... Slowly and surely, we were moving forward and i was scared to ruin that... I want to be around... I dont want to go and have to start all over again. I dont want to miss anything anymore... 3 years was already too much... I dont want to ruin the little progress i had made with Sammie... 

I walk towards the living room and watch Sammie sitting on the couch... Her legs pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them her chin resting on her knees... She looks deep in thought and i can't help but wonder what she is thinking... Is she thinking about me? Is she thinking about how to move forward?  A blush appears on her cheeks and my eyes grow wide as she lets out a little groan throwing her head back her eyes are closed... Whatever she is thinking about it is making her blush... 

I clear my throat and her head shoots up... I squint at her as she blushes even more. She almost looks embarrassed as if i have caught her on something... "She's asleep?" Sammie says her voice squeaky and i nod... I walk over to the couch and sit down... 

We both sit there in silence for a second... My mind is racing on how to bring up my fears... I clear my throat and Sammie looks at me... "She told me she loved me..." I whisper softly smiling feeling so proud and loved. Sammie looks at me smiling... "I am not surprised..." She whispers back at me a soft warm smile on her face... "She adores you..." Sammie says and i smile but with a sad undertone... "I tried to get more time off..." I said and Sammie says nothing. She just looks at me. I sigh and i feel myself getting sick... I dont know how to say it... I feel like i am disappointing my little girl and Sammie... "It is not possible... Is it..." Sammie says softly and i think she sounds a little sad... I shake my head... "Contracts have been signed... I can't get out of it..." I say and i feel myself tear up... 

I sniffle as i feel a sense of dread... I feel like i am going to lose everything all over again... I dont want to cry... But i can't seem to stop... "I am sorry..." I sniffle and Sammie sighs and moves... She sits closer to me and pulls me into her wrapping her arms around me... "What if she forgets me... I dont want to leave... I dont want to leave you..." I say sobbing and i clutch onto Sammie who tries to calm me down... I am now fully crying... My face buried in her chest. I feel hopeless... Hopeless and scared...