Broken

Chapter 60

Sammie pov...

I had cleaned myself up after i left Chris on the couch and as i was looking in the mirror rubbing my hands over my stomach, i couldn't help but feel a little guilty. This baby was going to get everything Sophie didn't have the first 3 years. A father who would be there from the moment he or she was conceived. I kept telling myself that i did everything i could when i found out i was pregnant with Sophie to tell Chris but i started to have doubts. Did i do enough? Should i have pushed harder? Should i have screamed at Chris when he threw the door in my face. Should i have gone to Lisa or someone else in the family. Would Sophie resent me for the fact she didnt have her dad the first 3 years of her life and this baby will. Will she hate the baby for it? I was starting to spiral, and my chest felt heavier by the minute. Flashes of Sophie in her teens screaming at me flashed through my mind blaming me. It was getting harder to breath and sat down on the floor trying to get some control.

There was a knock on the door, but it didn't really register as i was spiraling down the rabbit hole of my own guilty feeling. The knocking got louder and suddenly the door flew open.

Chris pov...

I put my clothes back on and waited for Sammie to come back. After 20 minutes she still wasn't back and i started to get worried. I walked to the bedroom and saw that the door to the bathroom was closed. I knocked on the door but there was no answer all of a sudden i heard her what i thought was gasping for air and sobbing. I opened the door and saw her sitting on the floor of the bathroom sobbing struggling to breath and curled into a ball. 

I rushed over pulling her, so she was looking at me. I knew immediately what was happening she was having a panic attack. "Look at me baby." I said in a stern voice. She looked up at me tears in her eyes. "Can't ... breathe..." She said as she started sobbing again. "Look at me baby." I said again. "Breathe with me... In through your nose.... Out through your mouth...... in through your nose.... out through your mouth."

I repeated this until her breathing was back to normal and i wrapped my arms around her pulling her into my lap as i sat down on the floor rocking her back and forth. She held on to me for dear life like at any moment i was going to disappear. When she finally calmed down enough i stood up lifting her with me as i carried her to the bed laying her down and crawling next to her and pulling her into my arms. "Wanna talk about it?" I ask in a calm soothing voice. It was quiet for a moment before she spoke.

"I am scared..." She said almost in a whisper. "Scared of what sweetheart?" I ask softly.

"That Sophie.... That Sophie is going to resent this baby. I am wondering if i did enough to tell you that i was pregnant with Sophie.... Maybe i should have pushed harder. I am scared that she is going to hate me for it. I am scared that she is going to hate the baby for taking time away from you, after you two missed so much already. I am scared that being here for this pregnancy is going to make you resent me for not being able to be there for the time i was pregnant with Sophie." She started to breath faster again.

"Sweetheart, stop it." I said softly. "Remember what you told me when i freaked out? We can't change the past... we can only look at the future. Sophie is not going to resent you or the baby... Yes, she has to share the attention, but she also gets a brother or sister to get attention from they will look up to her. They will clash and fight, but they will love each other. We just have to be mindful of her feelings and make time for her so she never will feel left out. Sweetheart i am not going to resent you. You did everything you could to tell me i was being an ass. Did i wish i was there.... of course... But i have you and Sophie now and i am not going anywhere. Besides how much do you still know from when you were born until you where 3 years old. Besides that, girl adores you and you did so good raising her on your own the first 3 years. She is going to love her little brother or sister sweetheart dont worry."