Go easy on me~ Dennis/Arthur

14. You're on your own kid.

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He had a terrible night of sleep. He kept turning back and forth. Lying on his back, on his left side, no, it was not comfortable, so he turned to his right side, that wasn't it either, so he lay on his stomach, as he almost always sleeps, but he couldn't fall asleep in this position himself.

His thoughts had been working overtime, and he couldn't shut them off.

Charles

Lorenzo

Maman

Charlotte

Dennis

Friends? No.

Today is Monday, a school day.

Arthur groans when his alarm goes off from his phone, and he turns it off. With a sigh, he lies back on his bed. His face hits the pillows, and he has no energy to face this day.

This weekend is over, which means his life will turn back to normal. Charles and Lorenzo will fly to Spain today, and he will be left behind again. Maman will leave to her friends again and this house will be empty and silent again after days of noises. He doesn't believe Charles, they have said it more then once how much they missed me and how we will keep in touch, and then they disappear from the radar again.

They say they will come back next week and that they will be there more for him and for their mother, but Arthur doesn't want to believe them. What if he hopes that they will be back next week, that Arthur might be able to talk to them about how he feels. Maybe they'll listen to him. Maybe he can open himself up more than he could this weekend. He hates the feeling of closing his feelings. He hates this wall that is standing in between them. The wall that they built with keeping him away and Arthur finished it. It's better to not get hurt anymore, so then you have to let people out of your life.

Arthur can't let them leave. He doesn't want to. Opening up will be difficult, but if they really show him that they will be here more, maybe he can fix it. Maybe he can fix his relationship with his older brothers. Maybe he can finally have his brothers back like he dreams of. He can remember how close they were when they were younger, and then we all knew what happened and Arthur was suddenly alone with a mother and a sick dad.

He hates the battle in his head? Does he want to forgive them or is it better to let them leave? To let them stand far away from him, so he could protect himself.

Why does he need to protect himself from his brothers and his own mother. He hates it that his feeling tells him it's over. That he doesn't want to get hurt anymore, he's sick of hurting. He can't handle this pain in his chest or the sinking feeling in his stomach that wants him to stop eating because it starts to hurt.

What if he starts to let him in again, and after a while, they start to ignore him again, like after the summer break. Maybe they can have a really fun holiday together, that Arthur can finally make memories with his brothers and mother again. It's been so long that he enjoyed going on vacation. But what if the contact fades again after the summer break. They then continue with the races and Arthur stays behind in Monaco as usual.

Can he handle being hurt by them like that again? He doesn't think so.

Why would Arthur start to get close to them again for only to get hurt?

Why is he so scared of being hurt?

This discussion goes on and on in his head and every time he comes back to the same point, being scared for getting hurt.

He can be safe. Keep this wall up, and they can't hurt him, no one.

The wall is safety. It's something he's been looking for in a long time, and now it's finally there. It made him really sad yesterday. Everything felt bad, and he wasn't having a good time. It was strange how he could still laugh on Saturday and think that maybe things would turn out okay and by Sunday morning everything had changed, and that's not just because of the conversation with his mother or what happened at the club with Lias and Nathan.