Sturniolo Triplets - Hurt/Sickfics

Matt - Hurting

hey guys, im back againn. i know it's been a while and im so sorry about that lol, but i've just been really busy with exams and everything recently. i don't know, i feel like im js in a dark tunnel and i cant find my way out which really sucks yk? this whole seasonal depression shit is really hitting hard this year and i dont know why.

anyway, this isn't a request but i felt like i needed a chapter to get my creative juices flowing again so i can start working on requests. you can thank Sparkler2020 for the song idea btws. i thought it was fitting for this chapter <33

this chappy is pretty much just about matt and his mental health, kind of me projecting my problems and everything. i hope you guys enjoy this chapter! i will be postings requests again after this. the next chapter should be one where chris has a sinus infection if all goes as planned. love you all.

TW: Depression, mental breakdown, mentions of self-harm.

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Matt didn't know what was wrong with him, why he couldn't just be happy for once. It's not like there was anything in his life that he needed to complain about, everything was going perfectly fine for him. He had a good family, a lot of really nice friends, and their YouTube channel was starting to grow a lot more.

He should be happy right now. 

But no, instead he's laying awake in his bed at four in the morning, wishing he could fall asleep. Maybe if he just fell asleep he could escape reality for a little while. For some reason though, his body felt like torturing himself as was struggling to sleep, and his mind was running rampant.

His thoughts about life running through his head were nonstop. He just needed his mind to not be so loud all the time. He didn't want to have to go back to therapy, he had been in it for so long in his life and he thought he was finally doing okay enough to not have to go anymore. Matt knows that if he talks about his issues with his brothers, they'd just share a concerned look and poof, he'd have a therapy appointment scheduled for him again.

Not that there was anything wrong with therapy, he just thought that he wouldn't have to go again. He thought he was better. And Matt so badly wanted to be better. He didn't want to wake up every morning, dreading the thought of living through another long day. Maybe if he was able to figure out why he was so unhappy, he would be okay and he wouldn't be, you know, unhappy.

He didn't have any problems that he was able to complain about. If he said anything the YouTube comments would just be filled with negativity about how great his life was and how he was just complaining to have attention on him. It had happened before, he knew how the internet worked.

Matt was just so tired. It was the kind of tired that you can't sleep off, that doesn't go away with a few mornings of sleeping in. He envied those who didn't have to struggle with their mental health. How was it that he was happy for one minute and then he suddenly became unhappy again? He was getting better. At least, he thought he was.

Slowly, the night ticked by and soon, Matt realized he had gone another day without sleeping. How fun.

He tried to get up and get out of bed, he really did, but it just seemed like he didn't possess the energy to peel his tired limbs off of his soft mattress. How odd, one second he couldn't fall asleep, and now when he wanted to get up, it was like he couldn't stay awake. Gosh, Matt hated depression and anxiety.

Eventually, Matt fell asleep, his tired and heavy eyelids sliding shut. He welcomed the peacefulness, at least now he didn't have to think about his mental health. At least now things were quiet.