Touchstones of Getting You

Eleven

I kept asking myself why I wanted to be named and known as an achiever. If I grew not used to keeping up with top students, why did I suddenly change my aspirations?

It is always an obvious answer. Laging mukha at pangalan niya ang tanging sigurado tuwing iniisip ko kung bakit ko ba ginagawa 'to.

Liking him has many touchstones. It's either people will recognize me for simply adoring him or judge me because I am nowhere near his level. Sa kasamaang palad, ganoon talaga ang katotohanan ng ating buhay. Kapag hindi ka matalino, mababang tao ka. Kapag nasa laylayan ka, ang dali para sa mga taong husgahan ka.

Totoo naman talagang palaging may pamantayan sa lahat ng bagay. To get into a high institution, you must meet their requirements. If you don't have the means for education, you stop studying without any assurance that you can still finish your studies. That's a standard.

Kapag naghihirap ka pero kinaya mong bumili ng magagandang gamit para sa iyong sarili, minsan tatanungin ka pa kung saan ka nakakakuha ng pera eh naghihirap ka nga sa iyong buhay. Pamantayan din iyon.

"Totoo? May gusto si Lacoza kay Noah?"

"Hindi ba siya nahihiyang nagkagusto siya kay Noah? Ang baba ng ranking niya last year!"

"Kaya nga nandaya sa exams. Ganoon siya ka-delusional. Maybe she thinks that a high ranking would make Noah like her. Sabi nga nila, mangarap lang ng kayang abutin. Why would she dream for a guy like Noah when she's that low?"

This is a fucked up reality. People will always have a standard for anything. It applies to him too.

Kung dati ay halos kiligin ang mga tao sa kanila ni Raine na isang top student, hindi ganoon sa akin. I am not for him yet because I haven't equal touchstones—the standards to get him.

"At least now I know it's possible, right? It's not easy, but you did it," Noah uttered. "I'm sure your family was proud."

Basa ang aking mata nang umiwas sa mga tingin ni Noah sa akin ngayon. Mariin kong kinagat ang labi ko bago tumango.

"I don't know if it's the crab mentality or mainly their attitude, but you're not low for improving. People just hate improvement. . . lalo na kapag hindi nila magawa sa sarili nila."

Pinagmasdan ko ang mukha ng lalaki. Seryoso siyang nagsasalita na nakakunot pa ang noo. When he looked at me, his sharp eyes softened.

"Bakit hindi mo i-report sa D.O.?"

"May special exam kasi ako next week. Kapag ayos ang score ko roon, hindi na kailangan mag-report."

Kumunot muli ang noo ni Noah ngunit dahan-dahan ding tumango matapos ang ilang segundo.

"Papayag ka ba kung magre-report ako?"

"Ano. . . ikaw ang bahala."

Nakatatawa dahil ilang beses akong tinanong ng counselor tungkol doon sa pagre-report ngunit isang sabi lang ni Noah ay parang naamo akong pusa.

He looked so determined right now, and I didn't want to burst that bubble. Sa mukha niya kasi ay para bang pagtapos naming mag-usap ay didiretso kaagad siya sa D.O. at ire-report ang nangyayaring bullying sa akin ngayon.

"Pero h-hindi naman kailangan mag-report," bawi ko.

"Touch move," he said, humor evident in his voice. "I'll do something about the bullying."

"Okay."

Noah nodded at me, appeased because of our conversation. Nakita kong dumiretso ang tingin niya sa banana milk na hindi pa rin nagagalaw sa aking tabi. Kinuha niya iyon at saka marahang pinatong sa aking kamay na kasalukuyang nasa aking binti.