What A Beautiful Face She Has

Realisation

Mathew’s POV:

I closed her secret book and kept it aside. My eyes were filled with tears.

Has she endured this much pain? This was the only question running through my mind.

Enna ivlo love panni irukala, iva? (Did she really love me this much?) I was astonished to even know that someone loved me this deeply. I felt guilty for treating her like shit.

She’s blaming herself, thinking that I started taking marijuana because of her. She wants to divorce me so that I can be happy. She cares about me and doesn’t want me to ruin my health.

I felt disgusted with myself for slut-shaming her.

I quickly went in search of her. I barged into my room only to find it empty. I checked the washroom and balcony, but she was nowhere to be found. From the balcony, I peeped out and saw her sitting in the garden with a coffee mug.

I wiped my tears and went downstairs. I reached the ground floor but was hesitant to even face her.

Keeping my hesitation aside, I went to her. I looked at her, her face was peaceful as she gazed at the sky.

As soon as she saw me, she stood up.

"Enga poninga? Appa enga? Actually, neenga rendu perum walking poi..."
(Where did you go? Where’s dad? Actually, you both said you were going for a walk...)
Before she could finish, I fell to my knees.

"Haiyo, ennachu?"
(Oh no, what happened?) she asked.

I extended my hand to hold hers and gently pulled her closer.

Holding her hand tightly, I whispered,
"Sorry."

"Sorry huh? Edhuku? Please get up. Ennachu?"
(Sorry? For what? Please get up. What happened?) she asked.

I slightly shook my head, saying no.

Looking at my miserable state, she sat down in front of me.

"Ennachu ga? Amma nyabagam vandhurucha?"
(What happened? Are you thinking about your mother?) she asked.

How can she still be this kind, even after everything I’ve done to her...

I asked,
"What will you do if I die?"

"Yen ipdilam pesuringa? What's wrong?"
(Why are you talking like this?)

"En amma na unnaku avlo pudikuma?"
(Do you love my mom that much?)

"First yen azhuvuringanu sollunga?"
(First, tell me why you’re crying.)

"I hurt you a lot, but still, you stayed because of the promise you made to my mother. No matter how much pain I caused, you were always with me," I said, cupping her cheeks.

She looked down with sadness.

"Vaanga ulla polam."
(Come, let’s go inside.) she said, pulling my hand. But I didn’t budge.

"Naan unnala onnum marijuana eduka arambikala. Don’t feel guilty."
(I didn’t start taking marijuana because of you. Don’t feel guilty.) I said.

She was startled.

"Ohh..." she said.

"Ama, I started taking it to cope up with my emotions. Amma va ezhandha dukkathula use panna arambichadhu dhan, adhu."
(Yeah, I started using it to deal with the pain of losing my mother.)

She didn’t respond. She was trying to process my words. But her grip on my hand didn’t loosen.

"Seri, vaanga. Ulla poi pesalam."
(Alright, come. Let’s go inside and talk.) she said, pulling me.