May 10th, 2016
My ammama visited us along with her brothers. She was the one who took care of me when I was a kid. She introduced me to her brothers.
"Idhu dhan Stella," she said.
(This is Stella.)
"Theriyume, chinna vayasula paathadhu," her brother said.
(Of course, I saw her when she was little.)
"Ama, ama, engayum poga maata, room-he gedheenu room kullaye adanju kedapa, edho vedhavai maadhiri," she said.
(Yes, yes, she doesn't go anywhere. She locks herself up in the room like a widow or something.)
Widow? Me?
"Chello, inga vaanga, ipdi ellam iruka koodadhu da. Room kullaye irundhaa, apram mathavanga kooda epdi socialize pannuva? Kalyanathukku varanum, parties attend pannanum, seriyaa?" her brother said.
(Dear girl, you shouldn't be like this. If you stay in your room all the time, how will you socialize? You need to attend weddings and parties, right?)
"Seriya pochu po. Idhu enga keka pogudhu. Adhellam kekadhu. Ethanayo vaati Jhansi solli achu, kekura madhiri illa. Ellam ava appa kudukkura chellam," my ammama said.
(Enough, let it go. She won’t listen to us. Jhansi has told her many times, she doesn’t listen. Her father pampers her too much.)
I stood there without uttering a word. I went inside my room and locked it.
Ellarum yen ipdi enna kasta paduthuraanga?
(Why is everyone treating me this way?) After that incident with Juno, I haven’t been able to come out of that trauma. I cry every night thinking about my miserable state.
Without letting anyone know, I cry myself to sleep every night.
Why did God create me as a sensitive individual?
May 20th, 2018
I thought I should spend some time with others and involve myself in events. I didn't want people to say I'm always sitting inside the room doing nothing. It hurts me. So, to avoid that, I started attending weddings and parties. That day, my ammama's brothers were there.
"Adade, enna oru adhisayam? Inniku earthquake dhaan," her brother said.
(Wow, what a miracle? Today must be an earthquake!)
"Yen? Ennachu?" I asked.
(Why? What happened?)
"Adhaan, nee vandhu irukkiye ma wedding-ku. Adhuve adhisayam," he said in a sarcastic tone.
(You’ve actually come to the wedding! That itself is a miracle.)
Ippo vandhaalum prachana, varalanaalum prachana. Ennadhan panradhunu theriyala naan.
(There’s a problem whether I come and there's a problem if I don't. What am I supposed to do?)
They all made fun of me for attending the wedding, saying they never expected me to come.
I felt humiliated.
June 3rd, 2018
It was the first day of school after the summer holidays. There was a wedding function I didn’t attend because I had homework to complete. Later, I heard my mum talking to someone on the phone. After ending the call, she came to me.
"Ammama oda anna unna kaetanga, Stella," she said.
(Your grandma’s brother was asking about you, Stella.)
"Edhukku?"
(Why?)
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