Sneaky Link

Sneaky Link (58)

billie's pov

I wanted to take it all back. My stupid decision. I turned my phone back on and checked her location for one last time. I needed to block her. For my own sake, and for hers. All of this would be easier with me blocking her. It would make letting me go easier.

I clicked on her picture. It was her with her sunglasses on, what a dork. Seeing her location at the hospital made my heart drop. Every single thing I had thought about before meant nothing. Every action and reaction was nothing compared to what I am feeling now. It was as if my world went dark for a split second. "I need to go to her". I showed Fin. He shook his head. "She has people to take care of her Billie. If you go now you'll only confuse her. You think she hasn't seen the pictures"? He couldn't even look me in the eyes. Everyone in my family disagreed with the way I was handling things. But it's the only way I know how, and as of not it's kept me from hurting. "I just want to know that she's okay". I nearly begged feeling the tears in my eyes form.

"That's not fucking fair billie, you don't think she has wondered how you're feeling, what you're doing? She doesn't get an answer. And either should you". He stood up abruptly, taking me by surprise. He rubbed his temples and walked out of his own room. I have never felt so alone.

Shit even my mom was disappointed in me, she wouldn't say it out loud but I could tell. I can always tell.

-

for the last week I have been stuck in this studio torturing myself by writing about her. Yet nothing came out the way I wanted it to. Nothing was right without her. There was a piece of me missing when she left, when I left her. I had no one around me. Finneas had cooled off but he wasn't what I wanted. He wasn't who I needed. Claudia helped, she reminded me of Y/n with her sometimes corny jokes.

I wish I could just hold her, or that she could hold me. I'd take any form of touch from her right now. Hearing her voice would be like hearing the trumpets of heaven. But I know I don't deserve that. I'm not oblivious to how my decision has affected her. I could almost feel her pain.

It was numbing.

I'd rather this than her being hunted down my paparazzi and fans for the rest of her life. Making her life a living hell, as well as her mom and friends. Every day I wonder how differently all of this would have been if I simply wasn't famous.

The light of the studio was off, nothing illuminated the studio besides the light coming from the computer. And the small light coming from the microphone. I tried thinking of anything to right. I know what I'm feeling and I'm feeling it strongly. Hatred, towards myself but also the fans. Definitely also the fans. And I hate this feeling. They were at fault. But I am more at fault.

I felt the same pain and gross feeling I felt so many years ago. But this time it was my fault. I brought my head to my knees. I don't even want to make music anymore. I turned of the mic and kept petting Shark.

"Billie, Jesse's here to talk to you. I don't know what about".i looked up with red eyes. "I don't want to talk to anyone right now". I hiccuped. He nodded and walked out of the studio.

I grabbed the mic up again. Listening to the melody Finneas had come up with. It was a guitar. The instrument she wanted so badly to teach me. I smiled at the memory of her being in my room trying to teach me. But I could only laugh. I was so mesmerized by how amazing she was at everything. How could one woman be so fucking perfect.

I acted like a teenager in love around her. And she made that feel like it was okay. My head dropped to my hands. I hate this so fucking much.

It's the right thing. I reminded myself.