Sneaky Link

67

Early September

She has the fucking balls to make songs of how sad she is. But she couldn't text me?

So fucking annoying.

I kneeled onto my carpet breaking down again.

I don't wanna talk right now
I just wanna watch TV

I'll stay in the pool and drown
So I don't have to watch you leave

It hurt, it hurt to hear her being in pain. I wish I could say all my emotions towards her left in that cardboard box, but man I am still in love with her.

Don't know where you are right now
Did you see me on TV?

I'll try not to starve myself
Just because you're mad at me

And I'll be in denial for at least a little while
What about the plans we made

I sighed listening to the song come out of my phone speaker.  I could almost see the pain in her face, just through her voice.

That's the thing about Billie. She had so much fucking emotion in her voice that it just goes into you. And you feel every ounce of it.

And I don't get along with anyone

Maybe I'm the problem.
Maybe I'm the problem.
Maybe I maybe I maybe I'm the problem.
Maybe I maybe I maybe I'm the problem.
Maybe I maybe I maybe I'm the problem.
Maybe I maybe I maybe I'm the problem.

Maybe I maybe I maybe I'm the problem.
Maybe I maybe i maybe I'm the problem.

Baby I baby I baby I'm the problem.
Baby I baby I baby I'm the problem.
Baby I baby I baby I'm the problem.
Baby I baby I baby I'm the problem.
Baby I baby I baby I'm the problem.

You could hear people in the background sing. It was such a beautiful song. Her admission was so vulnerable. It was sincere. But it was through a song. And that wasn't enough.

I was sat outside now. Next to Ellie's small plastic pool.

And I played the next song again The 30th

Woke up in the ambulance

You pieced it all together on the drive

I know you don't remember calling me

As I read the lyrics it all hit me at once. She knew about my accident... My mouth opened shocked. I don't remember most of the accident I just remember seeing Marco in front of me lifeless. Everything else, I blocked.

But I told you, even then you looked so pretty

In a hospital bed

I remember you said you were scared

And so was I

I brought my hand to my mouth holding back my cries. I replayed the song over and over again.

But I told you, even then you looked so pretty.