Sneaky Link

Sneaky Link (59)

August

"I don't think I can live without her". I admitted to my mom sitting on the kitchen counter. She smiled. "Darling girl. You know how in love I was with your father". I shook my head. "It's not the same you guys fell out of love. She just, like what do I even call it? Ghosted me"? I smiled but it cut deep inside still. It's been a week since I almost died off of fucking molly. I guess I'm not as young and healthy as I thought I was.

"Y/n I was utterly in love with him. I would give him every organ in my body as long as I could keep my eyes. To see him happy". I never knew this. My mom's kind of a fucking poet. "But"? I asked. What the hell led to their divorce. "But he wasn't happy with me. And in the end I realized I was changing who I was as a person for him. I was becoming mean and horrible. That's not who i am. Plus. I did it for him". She stopped moving the sauce.

"He wasn't happy with me even as I changed for him. He wasn't happy so I let him go". She frowned slightly but smiled. "He's happy now. And I'm happy with you. And that all I can ask for. I don't dare to ask for more, I thank god for what he left me with".

Yeah there was a whole custody thing idea brought up at some point but they simply talked it out. "I'm sorry ma, I didn't mean to down play your feelings". She shook her head and smiled at me. Now mixing the marinara sauce for some lasagna. "Don't you worry darling. Just remember. This too shall pass". What a meaningful thing to say as I slurped up some of the food in my bowl.

"Am I taking you home to get more clothes"? She asked adding some sauce onto her hand and tasting it. "I think so yeah".

"Y/n", I looked up seeing her staring at me. Oh she's about to have another deep conversation "do you want to go back to your apartment? Or are you open to the idea of maybe moving"? I gulped. I loved my apartment. It was my first baby. It was my grown up decision and choice. "I love my apartment".

"You haven't been in there for like two weeks". She pointed out sounding sad. "But it was my big girl move, my first one". I frowned looking down at my now empty bowl. "I'm not ready to let it go yet". She nodded. "That's okay I was just wondering. You can stay here as long as you'd like baby girl. This will always be your home". She walked up to me and held me. A mother's hug can never be compared. It can never be topped. There was this animalistic and humane feeling of safety and comfort.

I held her tightly. Everything felt surreal. Like literally so real now. I was in a relationship with a celebrity. With a white,blonde, homeschooled girl. And it was wonderful, and I was in love with her. And now that's over. And I felt this missing part of me in my heart and brain. Like the time with her was erased. It was all just gone, all I have are photos in my phone now.

I didn't even bother with finneas or her parents. They needed to be there for her. Fuck even now I want her to be okay. I wish I had some of my dad's selflessness in me. Then again I don't, I wouldn't leave like he did.

I let me mother go but not before kissing her forehead. "Thank you". Is all I could say. My actions would show my thankfulness but all I could say was thank you.

"Now what sweet treat should I make for today"? She walked back to the stove. Wiping her hands off with a rag. "I could go either with some brownies or some red velvet cupcakes". I smiled thinking of how to make this better. "With some cream cheese frosting". Ugh I was gonna tear those things up.

"What are you doing today"? She asked finally starting to make the layers of the lasagna. The meat was cooked the pasta was cooked and the sauce was ready. I loved adding so much ricotta. "Maybe go out". She raised her eyebrow. "Not like party. I mean I'll go to parties. It's not the parties fault".

"But it's an environment where you're tempted with multiple forms of escape". Why is she so fucking smart about everything. I rolled my eyes causing her to throw a piece of lasagna pasta on my face. "You're right, like always. But", I paused trying to think of something to say. "But"?