For the rest of the night i tried to actually talk to my family. I had to at least try. I could see the worry in their eyes. It was fear. I smiled at my mom and hugged her. She didn't say a word she just hugged me back with all her might. And that said all the 'I love you's' i needed. Something in myself started to come to a realization and conclusion.
I've already made the choice, there's no point in going back and regretting it. I love her and I always will but...
I have to live my life. I think that's what she would want, if Zoe was right and she didn't hate me right now.
She would want me to be okay.
I took the picture with Jesse and used a instagram Q&A to post it.
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I threw my phone on the side table. I felt restless. I felt like something woke up inside of me and it wouldn't let me go back to sleep.
I stayed up all night doodling, trying to remember every inch of her body and drawing it down. Drawing what she made me feel, this excruciating joy and happiness. What I expect weed to be like.
I did more than draw, I wrote. I wrote what I was feeling and experiencing. The admission to guilt felt the most relieving. Realizing that i am the bad guy, that i am the problem. It took the longest but it gave me this wonderful feeling of relief and realization.
I did all of this in my bedroom. I already stay up pretty late, but this time i woke up to birds chirping and that hasn't happened since i was a young teen. I smiled hearing the sound of the birds. Y/nn loves nature more than anything, maybe more than pit bulls.
"Billie" claudia said in a happy high pitch voice. "Claudia". I smiled at her as she peeked inside my room. "How are you doing princess". I pointed at all the pens and papers. "Soooo good"? Her eyebrows raised confused. I just yawned. "I'm too tired". I threw myself on the bed. "That's alright just wanted to say hi before we left". I got up. "Wait a fucking minute. You mean like you're leaving to your new house? And I've missed all the moving". Claudia had this smile laughing thing going on. And nodded. "What the fuck I want to see". I got up grabbing all my notebooks and pens as well as Y/nn's hoodie.
"Okay I'm ready". For the first time I felt like actually happiness or maybe the lack of sadness. "Let's get moving then". She put her arm over my shoulder leading me all the way to her Tesla.
- BilUpdate: I'm pretty neutral on everything but I do find it a bit fucked that just about a week after the pictures of Y/n with Billie, Billie posts pictures with Jesse
Hung4bil- I WAS GOING TO POINT THAT OUT
Hung4bil- like was Y/n just a fling?
Either way this doesn't look good on Billie
BeltisUnbuckled- I'm just glad she's straight
Bil4life- literally not what this means, we don't know her sexuality dude
