Never | Lee Haechan

Not a fairytale

In a distant fairytale maybe, being in a relationship, would mean a happily ever after.

But reality of relationships was far from that. It wasn't easy neither was it all unicorns and rainbows. It meant sharing yourself with someone. Which also meant sharing your issues, facing your demons and working through your unhealthy habits for the sake of eachother.

Now that, was easier said than done.

Kim Jiae, had always been on the receiving end of hurt in her relationships. Or had a friendship with physical affection that they called a relationship. In other words, she hasn't been in a relationship where she had to work it out. One where she'd have to face her own issues.

One where she had to own up her mistakes. Bite down her ego. Swallow her pride. And most importantly, she'd have to stop taking too much up on herself. Cause now that wasn't just about herself, if she did too much on her own, she'd indirectly expect her partner to do as much as her too.

Which wasn't fair. Neither was it right.

Lee Haechan, had never been one to open up and communicate his thoughts. Usually the man would much rather keep to himself, deal with it on his own and crawl out of his cave looking all in control and put together. But reality was, deep down, his persona was riddled with cracks of misery. The misery he would choose to dwell in when he was reminded of the brutalities that he has been witnessing and the guilt of the brutalities that he never managed to stop.

Now, on a regular instance, shutting himself off of the face of earth wouldn't be a big deal. His friends were always understanding of it and his family — they weren't present enough in his life to care.

And that was exactly what he was doing right now — dwelling in his misery.

TW; ⚠️ mentions blood and barbaric violence

The clock on his wall ticked like a menacing countdown in his ears in a pronounced volume midst the silence of his room. The dark blinds on remained completely shut to keep from any trace of sunlight entering. Strong scent of nicotine floated around the room and the grey hoodie he had on did a poor job at retaining warmth — the AC was switched off, sweat sheened his forehead yet it was cold.

The brunette hadn't spoken properly to anyone at all since his last conversation with Jiae and it past 3 pm of the day after. He somehow managed to get to class with a  homeless appearance, dark circles adorned his under eyes and eyes bloodshot due to the lack of sleep.

His brain rung in echos of screams the entire night, the sight of cut off limbs and incapacitated parts of her flooded his dreams. Blood. As if he was swimming in a pool of the red liquid and someone was pulling him down till he'd drown and suffocate inside it. That's how his night ended up sleepless and was spent on an entire pack of cigarettes. He hadn't had a cigarette ever since he'd had Jiae around, mostly because she would often be bothered by the lingering odour of it because it was 'unhealthy'

For once, he was grateful Jiae avoided and ignored him. The last thing he wanted was for her to see him like this. But he also knew seeing eachother was inevitable when they lived under the same roof. The dreamies called about wanting to hold an urgent meet up. He'd refuse it if Renjun didn't sound like he was in deep hot waters on the call.

His hoodie stayed up as he finally left the shower, hoping that the soap would mask the intense scent of nicotine and that the freshly changed clothes would hide his miserable state.

Screams. Blood. Burns. Body parts.

His eyes feel shut again, trying his best to not let the agonising sound inside his head, take control of him. How did he end up here? How did his thoughts end up here? Well, one thing lead to another.