ODDS OF LOVE : SEASON TEN

Episode 30

Faith had not been to church service in a very long time but when her brother had asked her to attend with him and the kids that Sunday she had surprised herself by saying yes. Just like it surprised her that she had actually went to the AA meeting on Saturday night and stayed the whole time. The people there weren't half bad really once you got to know them. Some were pretty nice actually. Of course she did not think she would feel comfortable coming to any of them if she needed to talk. Maybe Andrew but he was different. 

She sat in the hardbacked wooden pew with the comfy red colored cushioned seats near the front with DuBuis , Luci and even Sol who was either awfully relaxed as he slouched on the seat or asleep. Her money was on asleep. Although the sermon from that Pastor Joy Jones was not half bad really. At least she was not as long winded as the Baptist minister at the Southeast DC church they had attended growing up back in the day. Joy Jones was talking about the concept of love and forgiveness. And what it truly meant in biblical terms as well as modern day ones. Love and forgiveness. She understood love to a point although she was far better at sex but forgiveness. That was a tough one to wrap her head around really. How could she forgive those who had wronged her and others ? People who hurt others or herself ? People like Pamela who she had once thought she loved ? 

And how could she herself be forgiven ? , she thought as she let her eyes wander over to her brother who was listening so intensely. It was so easy for DuBuis. It seemed that way to her. He even seemed to have forgiven the batshit crazy fool that had shot Angel Anderson at the hospital earlier this year and then put a gun to DuBuis' head. At least he hadn't spoken any ill words against the dead man , may the bastard rest in peace. She was not quite there yet , she mused. She could not forgive that man. She could not forgive Pamela for all she did. She could not even forgive her own dead wife for having told Pamela about their fucking which had triggered Pamela's insanity. She just was not as good as her brother who was even considering training to be a lay pastor at the church. So if she could not forgive others how could she be forgiven for what she had done ?  She thought about the text she had gotten from Melinda's older brother Manuel. He said the funeral was on Friday but that their family wanted her to stay away from it. And she was going to honor their wishes. She would stay home that day. Maybe go see Matilda. Let the flag go to Melinda's parents. She remembered when she had first met the woman. It had been good once between her and Melinda before Melinda had went to Colorado. Before she had met Pamela at the Moss Center when Spencer had gone for rehab treatment. 

She could feel her brother's eyes on her as she listened to the soft melodic voice of Joy Jones from the tall wooden pulpit she stood behind in her dark blue robe , her dark waves of hair spilling about her shoulders so gracefully. The woman looked like an angel , Faith realized with an odd jolt of emotion surging through her tall lean body. Knock it off , Lane , she thought. Don't even go there. That was a minister. Not some roll in the hay. She was not gay or bisexual. She was straight. And even if she was the last thing a woman like her would want is damaged goods like Faith. Joy Jones or any woman like her was too good for her. She was better off with someone like Matilda Swan. 

DuBuis reached for her hand. He leaned closer and whispered , " Are you ok , sis ? "

Faith wanted to lie. Say " yes , sure ". Say she was just fine. But she could not. What she said was," No. " 

Then she rested her head on her brother's strong and sturdy shoulder and cried. She cried for herself. For Melinda.  For Penelope. For Gerald HighTower. Maybe even for Pamela. She cried as she allowed Joy's gentle words to wash over her body and soul. 

And DuBuis held her as she sobbed.