Her Sweet Flavour

trauma dumping

POV: Adeline

Why have I agreed to tell her all of this?

I know that I had wanted to tell her all and she isn't forcing me to, but part of me still doesn’t want to say it all out loud.

I'm still scared that Evane could change her mind about me if she knows everything that happened in my past. I doubt that she would and we are mates but I don't know how fragile that bond actually is.

"Are you really sure you want to hear it all?" I check again.

"Only if you want to tell me. You don't have to if it'll upset you or if you feel uncomfortable saying it all. Just know I'm here for you and will listen."

Alright. Just say it.

Just start talking...start talking...

"Well, my mother died giving birth to me. According to my dad she never even got to hold me before she passed because it all happened so quickly. Her dying sent my dad into a severe depression to the point he could barely get out of bed. It was rare that I had a day as a kid where he would make me breakfast or walk me to school. I loved the days he did have enough energy to play with me. We never did much, but those were still my favourite days with him. He tried his best to take care of me, I know he did."

Memories of my dad are really faint and fuzzy since I was so young but I still have some memories of him. A couple of him walking me to school when he could. A few of us cooking together, not that we made anything complicated or particularly good, but we had fun. A couple of times we went on a walk in the park and he pushed me on the swings.

Whenever he had enough energy to get out of bed he always spent it with me, bringing a smile over his lips just for me - those are my most potent memories of him.

Those memories and one more that I'd prefer to forget.

"He sounds like he was a wonderful father when he was well, and I bet your mother would have been just as wonderful," Evane coos, rinsing out the last of the shampoo in my hair.

"I wish sometimes I'd gotten to meet her. She never even held me in her arms..." I stammer, my voice cracking as I think about it all.

I never got to be in my mother's arms. Never got to feel her warmth. Never got to hear her voice or have her cradle me to sleep. I never got to hug her or tell her that I love her.

The more I think about everything I missed with her, the more the tears well in my eyes until they're streaming down my cheeks again. I try to wipe them away with my arm but my body is wet from the bath so it doesn't do anything.

Evane passes me a dry towel to wipe my face and I pass it back to her, taking a deep breath before continuing on to the first of the worst memories.

"One day, when I was about seven, I remember my dad had woken up early and had gone shopping to get everything to make me a fresh breakfast of waffles, strawberries and whipped cream before I went off to school. That was probably the best breakfasts I've ever had. He was smiling. We talked and talked until I had to go to school."

That was a really fun morning with him.

He seemed so alive rather that morning with such a bright smile. Brighter than he had ever smiled before in my memory. I'd seen photos of him when my mother was alive with the same smile. I'd never thought I'd see it in person.

"It's all so vivid in my mind still. How I went to school so happy and excited to go home to see him again. How I rushed home with the little bit of art from my art lesson that day that I'd drawn just for him, hoping that it would keep him happy. How I opened the door to the house and everything was dark. I still remember the feeling of my heart sinking when I found him..."