Limos (Sumilao Series #2)

KABANATA 44

—"It's like in that moment, the whole universe existed just to bring us together." – Serendipity

Mateo

"Mom, trust me. I'll be fine. Please, take this chance to explore and relax. Umuwi kayo kila Lolo. Rest. I'll handle everything." I pleaded one last time.

It has been a year of contemplating. I was hesitating about whether to take on the role of handling everything sa hacienda, o 'wag munang isipin 'yun at magfocus sa Master's ko. I already finished taking my undergrad last year, at naisipan kong magtake din ng Master's so I can be equipped with everything that I need to know to handle our businesses.

Aaminin ko, I find it pressuring. It's not just a business, businesses 'yun. And most of them are agricultural na hindi ko alam kung makakaya ko since 'di ko talaga masyadong interest ang agriculture. But what can I do? Buong angkan ko ay umikot at tumakbo sa industriyang 'yon. I am enjoying everything that I have right now in life because we thrived in the industry.

Isa pa, it's not like I have a choice. Looking at my family, I have no choice but to step up.

Aware ako sa condition ni Mom. Kung gaano siya ka sensitibo when it comes to her emotions and thought processes. She's like a walking time bomb. At aaminin ko rin, it can get exhausting minsan. I love my mom, but there have been times that I felt like I was walking on eggshells para lang 'di siya ma-trigger.

Siguro, nakaka-trauma rin talaga ang mga episodes niya. It's also not helping that the one who has been triggering them has been her youngest son, Miguel. Ang kapatid ko.

My dad has been trying his best to manage both our hacienda and his wife. Minsan, ako na ang napapagod para sakanya. Idagdag pa ang kapatid ko. Kaya ako, I decided to help in my ways and focused on attending to my brother. Dad already has too much on his plate. At naaawa rin ako para sa kapatid ko.

Para 'di ma-consume sa mga nakakalunod na mga pressure sa bahay, pinressure ko ang sarili ko sa ibang bagay tulad nga ng pagtetake ko ng Master's. Ang iba siguro, 'di ako maiintindihan kasi bakit ko pinapahirapan ang sarili ko para 'di maisip ang mga dapat kong isipin sa bahay? Pero wala eh, effective sa'kin.

Isa pa, nagkaroon din ako ng excuse not to consider the role sa hacienda. Plus, I already promised Veronica na susunod ako sa Australia. Call me a simp or whatever, but I do like her enough to consider following her. Nag-iisip lang ako ng pwedeng sabihin kila Mom.

But that's the problem. Ang pumipigil din sa'kin in pursuing my wants is my family. 'Di ko kayang iwan ang pamilya ko, not in this condition. 'Di ko kayang iwan si Dad na mamroblema sa lahat. 'Di ko kayang iwan si Mom in her condition, and I'm sure ayaw niya rin akong malayo sakanya. 'Di ko rin kayang iwan ang kapatid ko, knowing that I'm the only one he thinks he can rely on.

Too many responsibilites na gusto ko na lang bitawan. There have been times when I even thought that I wasn't built for these roles and responsibilities. Pero wala eh, I have no choice. I am Mateo Samson. This is my life path.

"Son, we are so proud of you." My mom embraced me and Dad was behind her, smiling and nodding at me proudly.