Lookism: What Am I Even Doing?

Chapter 80

(Ila's POV)

After clocking out I waited for Seo-ah in the hallway just outside the office. She was discussing something else with the boys. Undoubtedly about me in case I decided to act out of line. Even though my behavior up until now hasn't been the worst, that doesn't mean they can let me walk on my own yet. Good thinking on their part.

"Remember not to say anything stupid."

Other Me stood leaned against the opposite wall of me. I kicked my heel against the floor. Eun had disappeared as soon as we got off of the first elevator. I guess there are places that even dead people won't cross out of fear. Or maybe it was guilt.

"What classifies as stupid?"

She gave me a look, "Are you really going to play smart with me? Don't make me mess around with your head again."

I scoffed, "You act like you hate doing it. The last time when you had me pressed up against a locked door out of paranoia, I distinctly remember you laughing."

"Yeah but it takes up too much of our energy fighting each other."

Tch. Why does she always have to say confusing things like that? The way she phrases her words makes it seem like we're two different entities sharing a body or something. In reality it's just me fighting my madness. I leaned back against the wall and lifted up my cane. I held it at the base then pulled it upwards so that I was holding onto the end of it. I waved the handle towards Other Me. The cane went right through her body just like I thought it would.

A frown settled on my face.

Seo-ah cleared her throat as she closed the office door behind her. Her eyes shifted towards the end of my cane which was still holding awkwardly in the air. I retracted it then placed it back at my side. Using it to support my right leg, I turned to her fully.

"Finished?"

"Yes...but, are you feeling alright?"

"Sure."

There was a moment of silence as she gave me a look of pity. It fucking pissed me off so I quickly stationed my mask to hide the frustration on my face. Everyone was supposed to get here in half an hour anyway so might as well. I walked out of the small hallway and towards the rooms.

When I reached the railing I made the show of leaning over it dramatically to see if she'd think I'd jump over or something. The fall wouldn't be enough to kill me but it would hurt like a mother fucker for sure. To be honest I think I wanted her to get angry at me again as a distraction. I really didn't want to think about this.

Seo-ah rested beside me, "You won't jump. It's not high enough."

I laughed. Was I really that easy to read or was she that intelligent?

She reached out and placed a hand over mine. I was about a millisecond from smacking it away but Other Me stopped me surprisingly. I could feel my body resist against me. As grateful as I was that she kept me from causing a commotion, it scared me to think she still had this much control despite taking another dose of medication beforehand. Next time I'll take four.

"You're too jumpy."

"Relax."

Both Seo-ah's and Other Me's voices blurred together as they spoke at the same time. Again, I was grateful for the mask as it hid the faint panic on my face. Their statements weren't too far from each other but I still refrained from saying anything just in case.

"Ila, relax."

That was Seo-ah. She looked down at my left hand. My knuckles had turned white from the vice-like grip I had on the railing. This was me, not Other Me. I took a deep breath and forced myself to let go of the railing.