Lookism: What Am I Even Doing?

Chapter 74: Prt. 1

(Ila's POV)

THUD

THUD

THUD

"Open the door!"

"I said open the damn door! You can't hide in there forever you piece of shit!? Don't forget who you fucking belong too!"

Who...I belong to? I looked at the match in my hands.

I belong to no one but myself.

My body jerks me awake for the hundredth time in the past few hours. I let out a tired groan then press my face against the door. One hand reaches out to the doorknob and keeps it firmly in place. There's no real need for me to hold it close. It's locked. It's been locked for the past three and half hours but the voice inside of my head tells me to keep it closed.

I press my ear against the door as I try to listen for anyone on the other side. All I'm greeted with is a soft whirring of the AC unit. Sweat pours down the nape of my neck despite the cold. I've already had a red burn at the back of my neck from all the rubbing and scratching at a weak attempt to get me to stop.

There's no one on the other side....

There's no one on the other side...

There's no one on the other side...

There's....no one....

No one...

I gently hit my head against the door as I repeat that phrase to me over and over again. The first hour I spent searching the room and hiding all the things underneath the white bedsheet. The second hour I spent here checking the buttons and dreaming of everyone's death everytime I closed my eyes. The third I dreamt of someone trying to break down the door and...fire. SO MUCH FIRE.

Sookie was a weird one. If she was here with me she'd tell me to close my eyes and try to decipher my dreams. Not because she believed they had meaning. It's quite the contrary actually. She absolutely hated people that tried to make meaning of her dreams. But that's mostly because she dreamed of even dumber shit than her.

No, she would tell me to decipher them because she liked making fun of my creative mind. I would come up with such messed up and crooked things that she thought I was half-insane. Half? No. Full? Maybe. Fully marinated. Slowly cooking from Medium rare to well done. Perhaps a little burnt around the edges. But definitely too hard to swallow. Probably seasoned incorrectly and rolled around dog shit before plating.