Lookism: What Am I Even Doing?

Chapter Forty-Six

The churro was pretty decent. The actual bread was a bit dry but the custard was really good. I hauled my pretty big load with me up the elevator then all the way back to my Uncle's room. When I got close to the nurse's station I took out the two canned coffees and red bean bread.

"Omo, is this for us?"

I nodded, "That doctor said you guys were taking care of him."

The other nurse who was seeming pretty depressed immediately lit up at the idea of free food. I felt that in my soul. Free food is life. I gave them both curt bows before heading back to my room. The first nurse handed the second a coffee and the bread. I smiled as I slipped back into the room. I shut the door slowly so as not to wake up either of the two adults.

I dropped my bags on the floor next to my feet and took out one of the Banana Milks and a Kimbap roll. It took everything in me not to let out a small moan as I took my first bite of food in what seemed to be all day.

...

Actually, this was my first meal this whole day. If you even consider it a whole day. It's technically been like one and a half. What time was it anyway? I took out my phone and drew a soft breath. For fuck's sake its already four in the morning. No wonder I was so damn tired.

My cheeks filled themselves like a cute chipmunk with a few more bites. It was hard to chew but like I fucking cared. It just felt so fucking good to have something going into my stomach. I don't know if its just the hunger speaking but this is so fucking good.

Now that I think of it, I practically inhaled that damn churro too.

I melted into my chair after devouring my second roll then rubbed at my face. My shoulders tensed and my whole body felt so tight. God, there's so much that I have to think about but I didn't even know where to start. The problems were very obviously presented in front of me but I didn't know how to unravel them.

It's so damn irritating!

Even so...there really seemed like nothing I could do right now. Not in the state that I was in. I've been through so many things in the last couple days alone that they haven't even fully set in yet. Especially how I was kidnapped and very obviously threatened by a group of people I'm convinced could kill me if I push hard enough. I'm so damn tired.

As tired as I was though there was no chance I was getting a good rest. Even my small nap earlier was nothing more than fifteen minutes before I was jerked awake by my own paranoia. Please don't tell me my mind has been scared even more. I'm already sick as it is. The last thing I need is another symptom of PTSD.

The weekend went by faster than I would've wanted it to. Viola came rushing in the next morning after I called her and filled her in on the situation. Most of it at least. The post going around at school. My Uncle getting into an accident. The rest of it I kept to myself. Her unpredictability scared me.

You want to know the scariest thing about this whole situation though? When we got back home, the house was completely fine. All the damage I had done trying to save myself had been fixed. Especially in my Uncle's room. Everything looked brand new. Probably because it was. Even my Uncle's desk had been replaced, everything where it should've been.

The only thing out of place was my Uncle's bat, gently resting at the door of my room. Another threat. We can do whatever we want and make it seem like nothing happened.

Viola nor Uncle in any way forced me to go to school on Monday but this was something I needed to do. Of course I was scared of the reactions of everyone else. Too bad I'm a sucker for pain. There's also no way I'm being shut down into the dark because a couple of freaks expect me to keep my head down.