Lookism: What Am I Even Doing?

Chapter 75

(Ila's POV)

This was...the absolute most boring shit I've ever done in my fucking life. When you think of working for, well let's address it as it is, some underground criminal organization there's this picture painted around it. You get this badass itinerary with even more badass clothes.

You got a gun strapped to your clothes and a scar underneath your eyes. It's all very cool and dark and brooding type of shit. Instead of that, I'm here walking the same goddamn empty halls and floor for what's almost been 6 hours now. Like what the hell do they expect me to do aside from going completely insane.

I'm not saying I like the situation I'm in but give me a little more. Let me shoot a bad motherfucker. Even better, let me beat him to the brink of death.

Urgh! And this damn leg! Every time I go up the damn stairs it takes me almost five minutes for a single floor! It's not that it hurts, my damn knee just won't want to cooperate and I have gotten used to the whole stairs thing yet. So here I am grabbing onto the railing like it's a lifeline.

Richard came a few minutes my break time and told me to go ahead and go on break. You'd think that it would be better right? Absolutely the fuck not. I wanted to go up to the damn hotel and maybe flirt with a girl or two but then I felt guilty for even having the thought. For some reason even eating in a fucking fancy hotel breakfast bar made me guilty.

So I stayed in the damn office staring at the wall trying to start conversations with myself. But whatever they'd given me did the job. I wonder if they used the exact pills I had before or if this was some new messed up shit to keep me drugged up. To be honest I did feel around the same. My brain just feels a bit foggy.

Everytime I look at the table I can't imagine anything that would go with it. All I would think is that the table is dark and long. The chairs are also dark. The walls are...something between a red and a purple. I'm still not sure if it's more red than purple or more purple than red.

I at least wanted to hop on my phone and watch something on NewTube but there's no goddamn entertainment applications on this damn phone! What kind of torture is this! Do I really deserve to be damned with such torment! Maybe if I bring up this concern with Seo-ah she can have Jong-su clear me of having some sort of video game or app on my phone.

But then thinking that I have to ask for some man's permission to play video games boils my blood. That idea went south pretty quick. I'll just...buy another phone. It doesn't have to be connected to have Wifi. Both the Bird Garden and the Hotel have their own Internet. So as long as I'm in the building, which I will be, I can do whatever the fuck I want.

And I better not have to ask for anyone's fucking permission to get it.

...

To be honest I probably do. If anything, I'd at least tell them that I'm planning to buy a new phone.

Oh this pisses me off so much. I looked down from the railing of the second floor to the floor beneath me. If I angle my body just right I can fall through the neat mess of chairs and sofa and land straight on the floor. Go down headfirst and I might fucking kill myself.

But if I kill myself then this whole thing would've been pointless. The point of me staying alive was so that I could make sure Jong-su stuck to his end of the bargain. Not that I know how to do that. He still has the upper hand in this situation. I'm not allowed to contact anyone on the outside for obvious reasons.

I don't even know if I'm allowed to go anywhere near J high school or my Uncle's place. So what the hell was that supposed to leave me with? Asking Seo-ah to hack a computer here and there so I can stalk them like some crazy bitch?