Lookism: What Am I Even Doing?

Chapter Forty-Seven

"Ila?"

...

"ILA! Are you okay? Do you need to go to the doctor? Jace!"

Destroyer of Worlds licked underneath my chin with her raspy tongue. I slowly lifted my head so that I was staring at Vasco who was leaning over me. His large bulky frame blocked out what little was left of the sun. I know it should've made me feel colder but for some reason seeing him here made my chest warm a bit.

Jace poked out from behind him and reached down to touch my hands. I didn't mean to pull away so scared but it was just a natural response. Destroyer of Worlds hopped out of my jacket and onto my lap as I sat up. I slowly scoot back from the both of them with a frightened look in my eyes.

Jace looked at me full of concern, "We need to get you inside before you freeze."

I looked at both of them with a blank face, "Then let me."

They both went silent for a second at my response. I looked away from both of them, towards the rushing river not so far away. The water looked so gray and colorless. I bet if I fell in there the cold would take me before I could actually drown. How tempting.

Vasco took a step forward then kneeled down in front of me. I don't know what I was expecting from him but it was the serious expression that was on his face. I was taken back from it. Never once had he looked at me like this. With such conviction.

"No."

I let out a small laugh, "What the fuck do you mean no? Do you think it's up to you to decide what I want? Leave Vasco. I never asked for you to come save me. I don't need saving. I'm perfectly fine."

"No." He simply said again, "The moment we let ourselves cower and suffer, we're showing them that they're superior. If we do as they want to, then that only means that we've lost. And we haven't lost yet. We never will."

How could he speak like that? With such certainty?

Doesn't he understand that this isn't as simple as it seems? No, how could he? He probably doesn't even know everything I've been put through this whole time. And even so...why do I feel like it wouldn't matter?

It doesn't matter what I could go through, or anyone for that matter. And it would never matter what I did to him or how badly I had hurt him. He was just like this. If I was drowning in the river or rushing into the street, he would pull me back and tell me the same thing because that is what he believed.

To give into the mocking of our enemies would be like giving up on ourselves.

And even though I had almost completely lost faith in myself, he hadn't.

Every person he sees has the potential of overcoming their own challenges as long as they are willing to put in the effort and stand up for what they believe in. Vasco peeled off his Burn Knuckles jacket and draped it over my shoulders. None of us said anything as Vasco reached for my hand and I took it. He pulled me up with such ease and Jace took my other side as I almost doubled over from the sudden movement.

They both brought me back to the Chicken Shop and Jace gave me a look as I walked through the door a bit hesitant. He knew something was on my mind but he wasn't going to pry for answers. We weren't nearly that close and actually, I was surprised he was even helping me this much at all. After all I did, he should be one of the people who hated me the most.

Instead he looked genuinely concerned for my well being. Why was that?

I pulled out my key and we made our way through all the prepped tables. It's going to be a while until we ever put these chairs down again and it's all my fault. The stairs were a bit too narrow for the three of us to walk side by side so Vasco gently pulled me forward by the wrist while Jace followed us from the back with Destroyer of Worlds in his arms.