Lookism: What Am I Even Doing?

Chapter Thirty-Six

For some reason my body feels like it's being pumped with endless bounds of energy. Uncle says that must mean the medication is working. But my gut is telling me that I shouldn't feel this way. After that day I ran out of the cafeteria. I've gone back to eating in the classroom in fear my mind might go insane if something happens again.

These damn assholes are just too unpredictable.

Zoe has been inviting me over a lot during self study though. I guess she wants to make sure that I'm okay. Apparently Sookie told the girls (Mira and Zoe) about my little medication problems which she learned herself from Viola. I swear, I feel like they're all cornering me. Showering me in favors and compliments.

At first it was pretty nice. Who doesn't like being called pretty...strong...confident...and just an absolute girl crush? The thing is it's starting to feel suffocating. I'm in the middle of deciding whether I should ask my Uncle to put me under another house arrest. They've even bothered to show up while I'm at work. One of these days I'm going to kick them out.

As for my medication, I've texted the Doc about it who said it was more than open for me to reach out for any concerns. I know that the previous medications I took gave me very mild side effects and these actually made me feel really good after another slight change. I just-I don't know. Medications weren't supposed to make you feel like this.

I'm scared that I'm going to go through another relapse. Think of it like giving a handful of candy to a child. While your body accustoms to the sugar, they're a piping hot mess. Jumping all over the place with boundless energy but in a couple hours they're passed out on the roof.

(That's a bad example. Don't let kids go on the roof. I did it once and broke my leg. Though in my defense, I thought a baby squirrel fell down from one of the trees near the house. Turns out it was a pinecone.)

I really hope that isn't the case but I'm making what I can of it for now. Since I'm pumped with more energy I've been increasing my runs. I've also gotten used to running everyday at night as well. Though Uncle still insists that I bring my taser for protection. Which I don't. I have it snuggled away in the laundry basket in my room.

One good thing about making these night runs a habit is that I've made a new friend. A week ago I met a young black cat with blue eyes and a nipped right ear. Its back left paw was white like a little mitten on its foot. I've nicknamed her Destroyer of Worlds because, why the heck not?

After running a good three or four miles, I circle back towards the streets near the Han River where she waits for me at the same spot every day. In between the alley of two townhomes with tall gray stone walls. She doesn't wear a collar and I've asked one of the old ladies that lived there if she had a owner. Apparently she was just your neighborly alley cat.

Today, Destroyer of Worlds was patiently waiting for me with something in her mouth. She did this yesterday too. I think it's her way of paying me back for all the treats I buy her after our little jog together. Obviously she can't run as fast as I can so I use my time with her as a little cool down jog.

Yesterday it was a white clover which the old lady tells me Destroyer of Worlds likes to munch on. I'm not sure if it's normal for cats to do that but whatever toots her horn I guess. I handed yesterdays' gift to Viola who said she knew how to preserve it into a bookmark. I'm kind of excited about what she's going to give me today. I'm kind of hoping it's another flower.

With much elegance, she jumped off the wall of the house and padded her way towards me. I wiped a quick sweat off my brow before reaching down to her. I kept a finger outstretched to her to see if she was okay with me touching her. She sniffed me and then bumped her nose into me, giving me the green light.