The Sweet Silver Song || An Ashton Irwin fanfiction

Forty two.

"What are you doing here?" Ashton asked, a confused look on his face as he opened the door of his apartment.

"I'm really tired of fighting" I replied as I pushed past him and let myself in.

I directly went to his sofa and sat on it as I watched him slowly close the door and walk to me with a blank expression. I knew he wasn't expecting me and my determination was probably scaring him; but the discussion I had had with Greg kept playing in my mind and there was a few things I needed to get out of my chest.

I was tired of things being so tough; I was tired of Ashton acting so distant; I was tired of holding myself back; I was tired of not being able to tell him how I felt. I understood the way he felt, but at the end of the day, I was the one who had had to deal with two boys pressuring me for weeks. I was the one who had had to deal with two boys hurting me and playing with me with the only goal to hurt me. So now, he would either have to understand my point of view, or accept that we would not be talking about it any more and that I would be, once more, handling it on my own.

"Can you let it all out once and for all, please?" I said, as sweetly as possible.

"What?" he replied, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Your anger, or whatever it is that's been keeping you away from me... Just let it all out now so that we can put this behind."

"This is heading toward yet another fight," he sighed to himself and I crossed my legs and gave myself a second to let my exasperation die down.

"Then please make sure it's the last one."

"Why don't you tell me what you think, instead?" he asked, challengingly.

"Because you don't want to hear it," I simply answered and he threw his head back in annoyance before pinning me to the sofa with his eyes.

"That's what you think? That I don't care about how you feel?" he accused.

"Do you? Because I don't remember you ever asking how I felt... I know I'm not perfect and I know I've made tons of mistakes when it comes to us... And I know it was a shock to you when you discovered what happened but... I lived it!" I said, leaning forward and pointing a finger toward my heart. "I lived it as it was happening! I had to deal with it each step of the way! And not once did you ask me if I was okay, not once did you sit with me and told me that you were here to listen to the whole story if I wanted to talk about it.

"It's been all about how I lied to you, how you don't trust me anymore and I understand that... But I'm getting sick of it because I'm starting to realize that this is all about you and you don't actually care about how I feel."

He let me talk and just kept his eyes on me the whole time. He didn't let anything show. I was pretty happy with myself because I had managed to say everything I wanted him to know. I took a deep breath, and felt free. There. It was out there, in the air, between us, and he just had to reply now, I had done my part.

"Is that seriously how you feel?" he asked, anger evident in his tone. "I'm really not in the mood right now!" he added before standing up.

I parted my lips in shock and my heart started beating faster as I saw him start to walk away. He was doing it once more. He was avoiding a conversation. He was refusing to solve things. I had just poured my feelings out there, and he didn't react at all.

"Oh my god, he was right," I muttered to myself as Greg's words echoed in my mind.

"What?" Ashton asked as he turned around to face me.

I looked up at him with wide eyes. I didn't know if I could tell him. He raised his eyebrows to show that he was still waiting for me to answer him.

"You don't believe in it? You don't actually believe we're soulmates, do you?" I asked in a whisper.

He looked as if I had slapped him for a second, then his eyes darkened and he took a step toward me.

"Where the fuck does that come from? Of course I do!" he angrily replied.

I stood up and shook my head as I started walking away. I felt tears coming to the corner of my eyes and I wanted out. I couldn't believe I had been so naïve all this time. Ashton wrapped his hand around my forearm and tugged on it, making me turn around and look at him.

"Katy! Where does that come from?" he asked again and I felt my bottom lip tremble as I took a deep breath.

"You just never want to solve things! Why do we have to fight all the time? I mean, sometimes it feels like there isn't a single thing I wouldn't do for you and you just... You just don't... You don't think I'm your soulmate."

"For fuck's sake, Katy! I get a mini heart attach each time your name pops up on my screen phone! I fucking have butterflies in my whole body each time I see your face and I'm not even talking about when you kiss me because that's not even something I can describe! The reason why I didn't ask you how you felt is because I was scared of the answer! What if you weren't okay and there was nothing I could do about it? What they did to you..." he breathed through his nose and closed his eyes before continuing. "Just thinking about it... I fucking die on the inside and I don't know how to deal with it because the anger just doesn't go away! How can you fucking say that? I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately but... Fuck! I love you! How can you think that? Who made you think that?"

He cupped my face and forced my head up as he looked at me. All I could see in his eyes was sincerity and my heart swelled in my chest; he meant it, I knew he meant it. And he said he loved me. He said it. A broad smile appeared on my face as he still intently looked at me.

"You said 'he was right', Katy, who put that through your head?" he whispered and I felt his breath hit my cheek as he inched his face closer to mine.

"Greg" I whispered and he breathed through his nostrils as I saw his jaw twitch.

He suddenly placed on hand behind my neck and the other on my hips and he crashed his lips on mine as he backed me up against the wall. His mouth was hungry and a little growl erupted from his chest as he forced my lips apart and pushed his tongue inside my mouth.

His whole body was pressed against mine, and his hips seemed sealed to mine. My hands went to his hair and I tangled my fingers in it as he cocked his head to the side to deepen the kiss. I pushed my chest into his but he forced me against the wall again and his fingers slowly made their way under my shirt.

I shivered as he touched my skin and he groaned before letting his teeth close on my bottom lip, he tugged on it as I felt his fingertips dig into my skin.

"Why do you listen to him?" he hissed and I moaned as he grounded his hips into mine.

He trailed his lips to my ear and tugged on my earlobe before bringing his hand to my hair.

"Hmm? Why do you do that, Katy?" he asked again, and there was a seductive tone to his voice.

I parted my lips and he pulled away before tugging on my hair, forcing my head up. I opened my eyes and he was looking down on me, his eyes demanding.

"Why, Katy?" he repeated as he started grinding against me again.

I wanted to shut him up, and just kiss him again but he was holding my head up and I couldn't move.

"Take me now, Ashton" I demanded and he smirked down at me.

"Say 'please'."

I tried to move again but he didn't let me. He wanted me to beg. He looked angry, and turned on and hot. I was beyond aroused by this side of him and I wanted nothing more than to just feel him inside of me. Right there.

"Please," I quietly let out and his smirk got bigger.

"Again," he said as he started leaning in.

"Please," I repeated, and I felt my cheeks redden.

"Again."

His lips were brushing against mine and his fingers tighten in my hair so that I couldn't move at all.

"Please."

And his lips were on mine again, dominating my whole being with just a kiss.