The rookie Groupchat

Tamara's Headphones request

Tamara Collins:
I kindly request you two to buy me a pair of headphones.

Lucy Chen:
What?

Tamara Collins:
If y'all are going to be that loud, at least help me get the best noise-canceling headphones. I can't focus with that happening every day. I mean, seriously. I've had enough.

Tim Bradford:
Wait, what do you mean by loud?

Tamara Collins:
Like the ones that can make the walls shake. I can't concentrate on anything when every 5 seconds I hear Lucy screaming, "Yes, Tim! Right there! OH YES!"

Lucy Chen:
Oh my God.

Tamara Collins:
And that's just the tip of the iceberg. When I'm just chilling and watching TV, I hear sighing, moaning, and the bed shaking like it's about to fall apart. You two are out of control.

Tim Bradford:
Wait a minute... are you complaining about us being loud?

Tamara Collins:
I'm saying you're giving me an earful of things I never wanted to hear. It's distracting.

Lucy Chen:
I am so sorry... I'll set an order immediately. You deserve peace and quiet, Tam. I promise we'll keep it down.

Tim Bradford:
Wait, wait, hold on. So, after we get your headphones, you're saying we can go back to being as loud as we want?

Tamara Collins:
God, Tim. Yes. As long as I'm not hearing everything, I'll be a happy camper.

Lucy Chen:
Tim, seriously! Not everything needs to be said out loud.

Tim Bradford:
What? I was just asking.

Tamara Collins:
No, you weren't just asking, Tim. You were absolutely turning this into a whole other thing.

Lucy Chen:
I mean, I'll definitely make it up to you. I didn't realize how much we were disturbing you. I promise. No more... loud noises.

Tim Bradford:
I think you're over-exaggerating, Tam. I've never heard a peep from you when we've been, uh, active.

Tamara Collins:
Tim, I'm literally two feet away. I'm not deaf. I'm not blind either. I know what's happening. I hear everything—I feel it in the walls! You think I don't know what's going on in that room?

Tim Bradford:
Are we really talking about this? Right now?

Tamara Collins:
It's been happening for weeks! And it's getting worse!

Lucy Chen:
Okay, okay, fine! I'll buy you the headphones. You won't hear a thing. But... do you mind if I make a small request? Maybe, you could... not get the really, really loud ones?

Tamara Collins:
What? Now you're worried about me and my comfort? Oh please. Just give me the ones that'll block you both out. Like full-on blackout. The ones that make the outside world disappear. That's what I need.

Tim Bradford:
You're being a little dramatic, Tam.

Lucy Chen:
Seriously, Tim.

Tamara Collins:
I am not being dramatic. I'm just asking for some peace and quiet. I can't even hear my own thoughts over the noise you two are making.

Tim Bradford:
I didn't know we were so loud.

Tamara Collins:
Well, now you know. It's hard to do anything in this apartment when it sounds like you're filming a movie in there.

Lucy Chen:
Okay, now you're just exaggerating. It's not like we're trying to make a production out of it.

Tim Bradford:
Yeah, we're not making a movie. I don't need a soundtrack to go with it, right?

Tamara Collins:
Could've fooled me. Maybe I'll just start recording and post it to YouTube—'Behind the Scenes of the Loudest Couple in LA.'

Lucy Chen:
Oh my God. Please don't. You'd be giving people way too much material.

Tim Bradford:
But seriously, once you get those headphones, can we just go back to enjoying ourselves without worrying about anyone overhearing?

Tamara Collins:
I'm just saying, I won't be able to ignore it anymore. You two might want to start using a pillow or something.

Tim Bradford:
Oh, so now you want us to put a pillow between us? I thought we were past that stage.

Lucy Chen:
Wait, I am not putting a pillow between us, Tim. It's not like we can turn down the volume on our emotions. Besides, I don't think we need to put on a quiet show just for Tam.

Tamara Collins:
Oh, trust me, I'm not asking for that. I just want the ability to watch Netflix without hearing things that I should not be hearing.

Tim Bradford:
Are you saying you don't want us to enjoy each other anymore?

Tamara Collins:
What I'm saying is that I don't want to be the unwilling audience to your very... enthusiastic moments.

Lucy Chen:
Tam, we're really sorry. We didn't think it was bothering you that much. I'll do better. You won't hear a thing from us.

Tamara Collins:
Oh, I'll definitely hear things. But, with those noise-cancelling headphones, I'll only hear what I want to hear.

Tim Bradford:
Okay, okay, so, once you get the headphones, you won't be annoyed by us at all?

Tamara Collins:
Exactly. The noise-canceling magic will solve all your problems. You can go back to your... usual volume.

Tim Bradford:
Wait, what's my usual volume?

Lucy Chen:
Tim... don't ask. You know what we're talking about.

Tamara Collins:
No, seriously. You two are like a sound system. But I'll have my peace soon.

Tim Bradford:
So, once the headphones are in play, we can, uh, go back to our natural state?

Lucy Chen:
Tim, you have a one-track mind.

Tamara Collins:
Tim, I swear, if you start making jokes about it, I will just leave the apartment myself and live in my car. That's how much I can't take it anymore.

Tim Bradford:
Okay, okay, no more jokes.

Tamara Collins:
I'll hold you to that.

Tim Bradford:
Well, I guess this just means we'll have to be a bit more considerate of Tamara's peaceful existence in the future, right?

Lucy Chen:
I'll order the headphones now. And Tamara, if it makes you feel better, we'll make sure the bed stays quiet.

Tamara Collins:
I'm really going to need to see it to believe it. But, fine. Order the headphones. I'll let you two have your fun without my complaints.

Tim Bradford:
Alright. You can get your noise-cancelling headphones, and we'll do our best to be discreet. Just don't expect complete silence. I'll make no promises.