desertion

93

LYDIA

A Few Months Later

The Christmas lights twinkled faintly from the corner of the living room, casting a warm glow across the space. Miles sat cross-legged on the carpet next to me, his controller in hand as he mercilessly destroyed Nate in Mario Kart. Isabelle and Julian cheered him on from the couch while Denny and Dahlia sat nearby, swapping stories and giggling over the banter in the room.

I leaned back against the armchair, smiling to myself. This was what I needed-a night to breathe, laugh, and forget about the mounting stress that seemed to shadow me lately. It was easy to get lost in moments like this, surrounded by my friends, their joy contagious.

"You're so bad at this, Nate!" Miles crowed as Nate's kart spun off the track for the third time.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Nate muttered, his lips twitching into a grin despite his frustration. "Rematch after this. I'm coming for you."

"You've been saying that for over a year," I teased, earning a playful glare from Nate.

"Whatever, Lyds," he shot back. "You wouldn't stand a chance if you picked up a controller."

I stuck my tongue out at him but didn't take the bait. Video games weren't really my thing, but watching them banter and compete was more than enough entertainment.

As the match ended, Isabelle turned to me, her smile soft. "You've been kind of quiet tonight. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said automatically, the words rolling of my tongue like second nature.

Miles glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "You sure? You've got that look."

"What look?"

"The one you get when something's bugging you but you're pretending it's not," he said, raising an eyebrow.

I sighed, hugging my knees to my chest. "It's nothing, really. Just... waiting on my college application."

"Still haven't heard back?" Nate asked gently.

I shook my head. "No. I sent it in late, so it's not like I expected an answer yet, but every time my phone buzzes, I think it's them."

"You'll get in," Miles said confidently. "You're Lydia Diaz. They'd be crazy not to accept you."

I smiled at him, grateful for the reassurance, but the knot in my stomach didn't loosen.

The conversation shifted after that, drifting to Julian and Isabelle's college plans. They were both doing online classes, staying local, which made sense but was also all anyone seemed to talk about these days-college, the future, what's next.

I let their voices wash over me, nodding and chiming in where I needed to, but my mind wandered.

Chris had been on my mind a lot lately. He was struggling, more than I realized. Christmas was supposed to be a time of joy, but for him, it was a painful reminder of Mom. He'd always been good at hiding how much he missed her, but this year was different.

The other day, he'd snapped at Dad, telling him he could be dead next year. The words echoed in my head, sharp and raw. I'd thought about it before-what life would be like if Dad didn't come home one day-but I'd never let myself dwell on it. I didn't realize how much it haunted Chris.

Dad had been checking on me constantly, asking if I felt the same way as Chris. I didn't know how to answer him, so I didn't. There was no point in adding to his stress.

"Lydia."

Miles' voice broke through my thoughts, and I blinked, realizing everyone was looking at me.

"Huh?"

"You're spacing out again," he said, tilting his head. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," I said quickly, shaking my head. "Just thinking."

"About college?" Isabelle asked.

"Something like that," I murmured.

"Or maybe Chris?" Miles asked softly.

I stiffened, my gaze dropping to my hands.

"You don't have to talk about it," he said quietly. "But we're here, okay?"

"Thanks," I said quietly, offering him a small smile.

The game resumed, and the room filled with laughter once more. I let myself sink into the noise, the warmth of my friends' presence. For now, that was enough.

I'd deal with the rest later.