desertion

174

LYDIA

The alarm buzzed loudly, cutting through the darkness of my room. I groaned, blindly reaching to turn it off. My body felt heavy, as if I'd barely slept-which wasn't far from the truth. The hours I had spent in bed were restless, my mind replaying arguments, memories, and case details like a broken record.

I dragged myself out of bed, going through the motions of getting ready. Brushing my teeth, pulling on clothes, grabbing a cup of coffee I barely tasted-it all blurred together. My reflection in the mirror showed the evidence of my exhaustion: dark circles under my eyes, pale skin, and an expression that screamed "burnt out."

By the time I got to the station, I felt like I was running on autopilot. Each step toward the office felt like I was dragging myself through mud. When I finally pushed open the door to our shared office, Mason was already there, leaning over a stack of papers. He glanced up and smiled slightly.

"Morning," he said, his voice warm but tinged with something-concern, maybe?

"Morning," I mumbled, forcing a small smile. I dropped my bag and slid into my chair, already reaching for the case files I'd left behind before my day off.

"You okay?" Mason asked, watching me closely.

"Fine," I replied quickly, not meeting his gaze.

"You look like you didn't sleep," he said, tilting his head.

"I slept," I said, flipping through the pages in front of me. "Just... not enough."

He didn't push further, but I could feel his eyes lingering on me as I started typing up a report. The screen blurred in front of me, and I blinked hard, trying to focus. My fingers moved over the keyboard mechanically, the words forming without much thought.

A wave of fatigue hit me like a truck. My eyelids felt impossibly heavy, and before I realized it, I'd let them close.

"Lydia."

Mason's voice startled me awake, and I jolted upright, realizing my head had been resting on my desk. I blinked rapidly, trying to piece together how long I'd been out.

"Did you fall asleep?" he asked, his brows furrowed.

"I'm fine," I said quickly, brushing it off.

"Lydia," he said again, this time with more emphasis. "You're not fine. You just fell asleep in the middle of working."

"I just... closed my eyes for a second," I muttered, shaking my head as if that would clear the fog.

He didn't look convinced, but he let it go, probably knowing I wasn't going to admit anything. I went back to the report, forcing myself to sit up straighter. I stared at the screen, willing myself to stay awake, but my body wasn't cooperating.

The next time I woke up, it was to the sound of Mason clearing his throat. My cheek was pressed against the desk, and there was a small drool mark on the papers under me.

"Lydia," he said softly, crouching down next to my chair. "You're doing it again."

I groaned, sitting up and rubbing my face. "I'm sorry," I muttered, embarrassed.

"You need to go home," he said, his voice gentle but firm.

"I can't," I said, shaking my head. "We have too much to do."

"Lydia, you're no good to anyone if you're falling asleep every ten minutes," he said, standing and crossing his arms. "Seriously, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing," I said, avoiding his gaze.

"It's not nothing," he said, sitting on the edge of my desk. "You're exhausted. You've been pushing yourself too hard."

"I'm fine," I insisted, though the shakiness in my voice betrayed me.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You don't have to do this to yourself, you know. Whatever it is that's making you feel like you have to work yourself into the ground-it's not worth it."

I looked away, biting my lip. "I'm just tired," I said finally. "That's all."

"And why are you so tired?" he asked, leaning forward slightly.

I didn't answer. I couldn't. How could I explain everything-the restless nights, the constant pressure, the nagging voice in my head that told me I wasn't doing enough?

"Lydia," he said softly, reaching out to place a hand on my shoulder. "Talk to me. Please."

I shook my head. "I can't."

His hand lingered for a moment before he pulled it back, letting out a heavy sigh. "Okay," he said quietly. "But promise me you'll take it easy. At least try to rest."

I nodded, though I wasn't sure I could keep that promise.

By mid-afternoon, I had fallen asleep twice more, each time jolted awake by Mason's voice or the sound of a pen tapping against the desk. Each time, he looked more and more worried.

"Lydia, this isn't sustainable," he said finally, pushing his chair back and standing. "You need to take care of yourself."

"I am," I said weakly, though we both knew it wasn't true.

He leaned down, placing his hands on the desk in front of me so that we were eye level. "Listen to me," he said, his tone serious. "You're one of the strongest people I know, but even you have limits. And it's okay to admit when you need a break."

His words hit me harder than I expected, and for a moment, I couldn't speak. Finally, I nodded. "I'll try," I said quietly.

"That's all I'm asking," he said, giving me a small smile.

I didn't know if I could keep my promise, but in that moment, his concern was enough to make me want to try.