desertion

83

LYDIA

I sat on the edge of my bed, my head in my hands, my entire body trembling. I was exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally. It had been a week since I was discharged from the hospital, and even the thought of my friends coming over made me want to curl up and sleep for days.

Miles, Tyler, Delilah, Isabelle, Julian, and Nathaniel, were supposed to come over soon. I should've been excited-I hadn't seen them since I was admitted to the hospital, except Miles-but instead, I felt dread. How could I hang out with them when I could barely stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time? Even thinking about their laughter, their energy, their chatter made my head ache.

It's not like I'd be able to hear them anyway.

My chest tightened as tears welled in my eyes. All I wanted was to hear them again. To hear the jokes, the teasing, the sound of their laughter. I buried my face deeper into my hands as sobs racked my body. More than anything, I wanted to hear Dad's voice again. Or Buck's. I couldn't even remember what they sounded like anymore. Their laughs, their banter-it was like everything I had ever known had been erased.

I stood abruptly, my body swaying as my head spun. I started pacing my room, my mind racing with thoughts I couldn't stop. Miles had been texting me nonstop, worried about me, and I hadn't known until I turned on the flash notification on my phone. I hated that setting-always had-but it was the only way I could tell when I had a message now.

Miles hadn't seen me since I got out of the hospital. A week now. Two weeks since I'd been able to hear. I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my skin.

Why was this happening to me? My family? What had we done to deserve this? I thought of everything-Mom dying, the tsunami, the seizures. My vision blurred as frustration boiled over, consuming me.

Before I even realized what I was doing, my fist connected with the wall. The impact sent a sharp jolt through my hand, but I didn't care. Again. And again. Hole after hole appeared in the drywall, each punch fueled by my anger, my helplessness.

My body screamed in protest, exhaustion and pain battling for dominance, but I couldn't stop. Not until strong arms wrapped around me from behind, pulling me back.

"No!" I screamed. I fought against the grip, my body trembling as I sobbed. I didn't care who it was-I just wanted to keep going, to keep releasing everything inside of me.

The person held on, their hands steady and firm as they pulled me to the ground. I collapsed against them, my body giving out as sobs wracked me.

"It's okay, I've got you," Buck mouthed. I felt his hand running soothing circles on my back, his other arm keeping me close.

I glanced up and saw Christopher in the doorway, tears streaming down his face as he held his phone to his ear. I caught one word-"Dad."

Christopher was calling Dad.

I shook my head, trying to fight Buck's arms, but he wouldn't let go. He just held me tighter, grounding me as I sobbed into his chest.

I knew he was crying too as I felt a tear fall onto my hair.

********

BUCK

I glanced at Chris, my own worry evident as tears streamed down my face. "It's okay, Chris," I said, though my voice trembled slightly. "Your dad is coming."

But Chris was inconsolable, standing frozen in the doorway as tears continued to stream down his face.

The front door opened, and my head shot up. "Chris," I said, my tone sharp but comforting.

Chris didn't need to be told twice. "Dad!" He screamed, his voice echoing down the hall.

Eddie appeared seconds later, his eyes widening as he took in the scene. Lydia slumped in my arms, her knuckles bruised and raw, the wall behind us riddled with holes.

Eddie dropped to his knees in front of her, gently cupping her face. He tilted her chin down, forcing her to meet his eyes. Lydia's sobs quieted to shaky breaths as she stared at Eddie.

"I don't remember," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I don't remember what your voice sounds like. I don't remember how you laugh. I don't remember anything."

Eddie's face softened, pain flickering in his eyes as he pulled her into a hug. She clung to him, her sobs returning as she buried her face in his chest.

"Buck, take Chris," Eddie mouthed over her head.

I nodded, gently prying Christopher away from the doorway. "Come on, buddy," I said softly, guiding the boy out of the room.

********

EDDIE

I held Lydia tightly, my hand running through her hair as her breathing slowed. Her body trembled against mine, exhaustion finally winning out as her sobs turned to soft hiccups. I didn't let go, even as she fell asleep in my arms.

My heart ached. She wasn't in any state to see her friends, but I knew how much it would mean for her to have them here. Even if she couldn't hear their voices, seeing their familiar faces might help her calm down.

The front door opened again, and I hear Buck's voice murmuring something. Moments later, footsteps approached.

"She'll be out in a minute," Buck said quietly.

I looked down at Lydia, brushing away the tears on her cheeks. Her eyes fluttered open, and she blinked at me groggily.

"Are they here?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

I nodded, mouthing, How did you know?

Lydia pointed to her door, her voice cracking as she explained, "When the front door opens, my door vibrates and then ends up opening a little."

I nodded, my heart breaking for her. "Are you okay to see them?" I mouthed.

Lydia shrugged, standing up slowly. I rose with her, steadying her as she swayed. I cupped her cheeks, my thumbs brushing against her skin.

"You'll hear us again," I mouthed.

Lydia nodded, her eyes filling with tears as she glanced at the wall.

I shook my head, mouthing, "We'll fix it."

She nodded again, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around me. I hugged her tightly, tears slipping from his own eyes as I held her.

Whatever it took, I would get my daughter through this. Together.