desertion

96

LYDIA

The drive to the fire station after work was unusually quiet. Miles sat in the passenger seat, his head leaning against the window as the city lights blurred past. I didn't want to go. Not really. But today was my dad's last day at the 118, and I needed something-anything-that felt like normalcy. Miles knew it too, which was why he didn't protest when I pulled into the station's parking lot.

Athena's red SUV was parked out front, and Miles and I exchanged a look. We didn't say anything, but his hand briefly brushed mine before we walked inside. The stairwell creaked as we climbed up to the loft. It smelled like coffee and old wood, and for a fleeting second, I let myself remember the countless times I'd hung out here after school or during downtime at work.

Hen noticed us first. "Hey, you two," she said with a warm smile, pulling out a chair at the island. Her casual greeting should have made me feel welcome, but my chest tightened.

My dad looked up when we entered, but I avoided his gaze, quickly scanning the room. Bobby, Athena, Buck, and Ravi were here too. Athena smiled at us, a softness in her expression. "Hey, kids. May's around here somewhere."

"Right here," May's voice came from behind us, making both Miles and me jump.

Miles instinctively grabbed my arm as though shielding himself from some unseen threat. I scoffed, raising an eyebrow at him. "It's nice to know you'd protect me if it was a murderer."

The room erupted into laughter, even May. Miles glared at me teasingly, shaking his head, but the corners of his mouth twitched. I turned back to May, unable to suppress a smile. "I wanted to talk to you about apartments."

The room fell silent. I could feel the shift in the air before I even turned around. My dad and Buck looked at me like I'd just confessed to a crime.

"What?" my dad asked, his voice sharp. "You're looking at apartments? When were you going to tell me?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "I don't know. When were we going to start talking again?"

His jaw tightened. "I'd still like to know when my daughter is planning to move out."

"Oh, you mean the daughter who you told to grow up? That one?" My voice came out sharper than I intended, but I didn't care.

"Lydia, that's not what he meant," Buck interjected, his tone placating.

"Of course, you'd take his side," I snapped, shaking my head and turning back to May.

May's expression was cautious, but she answered anyway. "I don't know much about places around here, but I've seen some listings in San Francisco. They're cheaper than most places in LA."

Miles's voice cut in, incredulous. "San Francisco? That's almost six hours away!"

I shrugged. "It's close to where I applied to college."

Miles turned to me, his mouth open in shock. "You didn't tell me that."

"I did," I said calmly. "A long time ago."

May nodded in approval. "It's a good school. You'd love it there."

"See?" I said, relieved to have someone on my side.

But then Buck spoke again. "Where else did you apply?"

I hesitated, swallowing tightly before answering. "LSU, University of Illinois, and University of San Francisco."

The silence was deafening. Miles finally broke it. "Those are all so far away."

"There's a very low chance I'll even get in," I mumbled, the weight of their judgment sinking into me.

May wrapped an arm around me. "You could always apply to USC," she offered gently.

"I did," I admitted.

Miles's arms crossed. "You forgot to mention that one too."

I scoffed. "You knew I was applying to half of these schools."

My dad's voice broke through the tension. "How much were the application fees?"

I shook my head. "I handled them. Most were free because I did them during free application weeks."

Buck stared at me, his expression unreadable. "Where did this even come from, Lydia?"

"What is everyone's problem?" I demanded. "I'm sorry that I'm growing up, okay? Isn't that what you wanted?"

My dad scoffed. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

I stared him down, a look that I knew screamed, "Seriously?" Bobby stepped in, his voice calm and measured. "It's just a really big decision, Lydia."

I nodded, my tone softening slightly. "I know. But Miles and Dad both knew about this."

Miles shifted uncomfortably. "I'm tired. Can we go home now?"

I turned to him, guilt pooling in my stomach. "Yeah. Let's go."

As we left, my dad's voice followed us. "We're not done talking about this."

I plastered on a sarcastic smile. "Can't wait."

The drive back to Miles's house was unbearable. He didn't say a word, and his silence was heavier than anything he could've yelled at me. Finally, I broke it. "What's wrong?"

Miles snapped. "What's wrong? If you weren't so focused on yourself, maybe you'd know."

His words hit like a punch. "What are you talking about?"

"Every college I've applied to has rejected me, Lydia," he said bitterly. "And I wanted to talk to you about it, but you're always so busy being dramatic and worked up over everything."

Tears stung my eyes, but I blinked them back. "I can't read your mind, Miles. You should've told me."

He scoffed. "Like that's easy."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.

"You should be."

The car went silent again. Then, Miles spoke, his voice firm. "I think we should break up."

I froze, my breath catching. "What?"

"I'm done, Lydia," he said.

I nodded, my hands trembling on the wheel. "Okay."

When I pulled into his driveway, I couldn't bring myself to look at him. He got out without a word, and just as he was about to close the door, I whispered, "I love you, I'm sorry."

He didn't respond. The door shut, and I drove off, the weight of his absence settling into the passenger seat beside me.