desertion

100

MILES

I hadn't been expecting anyone. The late afternoon sun filtered through the windows of his quiet house, and I had been halfway through a chapter of my book when a knock at the door startled me.

I frowned, tossing the book aside and standing up. Karen wasn't home, and Dahlia was playing quietly in her room. We didn't usually get visitors. Running a hand through my messy hair, I made my way to the front door.

When I opened it, I froze.

Lydia stood there, her eyes uncertain but steady as they met mine. She was clutching the strap of her bag, her fingers slightly pale from how tightly she was gripping it.

"Lydia?" I said, my voice filled with disbelief.

"Hey," she replied softly, her voice carrying a note of hesitation. "Can we talk?"

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. I hadn't seen her in days, not since our last shift together. Seeing her now, standing on the porch, brought a rush of emotions I wasn't ready to deal with.

But I couldn't tell her no. Not Lydia.

"Okay," I said finally, stepping back and opening the door wider. "Come in."

She nodded and stepped inside. I closed the door behind her, watching as she glanced around the familiar space. The quietness of the house seemed to press in on us as I led her to the living room.

I sat down on the couch and gestured for her to take the armchair across from me. She hesitated for a moment before sitting, placing her bag on the floor next to her.

For a few moments, neither of us spoke. The silence was thick, and I could feel the weight of everything left unsaid between us. Finally, Lydia took a deep breath.

"I've been thinking a lot about what happened," she said, her voice steady but soft. "And I realized I couldn't just leave things like this. I needed to talk to you."

I swallowed, my chest tightening. "Okay," I said.

She hesitated, as if gathering her thoughts. "I know things weren't perfect," she began. "And I know I probably overwhelmed you sometimes. I just... I wanted to help, Miles. I wanted to be there for you, but I guess I didn't know how to do it the right way."

I opened my mouth to respond, but she kept going, her voice growing more emotional.

"I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to support you, but maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was too much. Maybe I pushed too hard, or I made things worse without realizing it. And if that's true, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, Miles."

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, but not for the reasons she thought.

"Lydia," I said, cutting her off.

She stopped, her wide eyes meeting mine.

"You don't have to apologize," I said, my voice firm but filled with regret.

Her brow furrowed. "But I-"

"No," I interrupted, leaning forward. "You weren't too much. You weren't overwhelming. You weren't the problem."

She blinked at me, her confusion evident. "Then why-"

"Because I was scared," I admitted, my voice cracking slightly. "Because I didn't know how to handle my own feelings, and instead of talking to you about it, I shut you out. I told myself I was doing the right thing by ending things, but I wasn't. I was just running away."

Lydia stared at me, her expression a mixture of surprise and heartbreak.

"I told you you were too much because I couldn't handle admitting the truth," I continued, my hands gripping my knees. "The truth is that I was the one who wasn't enough. I couldn't face my own struggles, and instead of letting you in, I pushed you away. I hurt you, Lydia, and I hate myself for that."

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Miles..."

"I should've talked to you," I said, my voice raw. "I should've told you how I was feeling instead of taking it out on you. You didn't deserve that. You've always been there for me, and I took that for granted."

Lydia shook her head, wiping at her eyes. "I just wanted to help you. That's all I ever wanted."

"I know," I said softly. "And you did, Lydia. You helped me more than you realize. I just didn't see it at the time."

The room fell silent again, the weight of our words settling over us. Lydia looked down at her hands, her voice barely above a whisper.

"So what happens now?" she asked.

I hesitated, my heart pounding. "I don't know," I admitted. "I don't think we can just go back to the way things were. But I don't want to lose you, Lydia. I want to make things right, even if it takes time."

She nodded slowly. "I don't know if I'm ready to just... jump back into things," she said honestly.

"That's okay," I said. "We can take it slow. We don't have to rush anything."

For the first time since our conversation began, Lydia gave me a small smile. "Okay," she said.

Before either of us could say anything else, a small voice called out from down the hall.

"Miles?"

We both turned as Dahlia appeared in the doorway, her dark curls bouncing as she ran into the room. Her face lit up when she saw Lydia.

"Lydia!" she squealed, running straight to her.

Lydia caught her easily, pulling her into a hug. "Hey, Dahlia," she said, her voice warm.

I couldn't help but smile as I watched my little sister cling to Lydia, chattering excitedly about her day.

"I missed you," Dahlia said, looking up at Lydia with wide eyes.

"I missed you too," Lydia replied, her smile softening. "How have you been? Are you still drawing those amazing pictures?"

Dahlia nodded eagerly. "I drew a unicorn yesterday! You have to see it!"

"I'd love to," Lydia said, her laughter light and genuine.

I leaned back on the couch, my heart aching in a way that felt both painful and hopeful. Watching Lydia with Dahlia reminded me of why I had fallen for her in the first place.

She had always been good with kids. Always patient, always kind. She had a way of making people feel seen and valued, even when they didn't believe they deserved it.

As Lydia continued talking to Dahlia, I found myself silently vowing to do better. To be better. For her. For them.

It would take time, but I was willing to fight for it.