desertion

124

LYDIA

The ceiling has become my entire world. The blank expanse, the small cracks running across the plaster, the slight discoloration in one corner-it's all I can focus on. My body feels heavy, but my chest feels hollow, like everything that made me me has drained out and left nothing behind. I don't even blink at the sound of the door opening. It's probably Dad with more food I won't eat.

"Lydia," he says, his voice taut with frustration.

There's a shuffle of feet, more voices-familiar ones. I recognize them immediately, but I can't bring myself to care. Miles. Maddie. Athena. Buck. Nathaniel. They're all here, filing into my room like some kind of intervention.

The bed shifts as Maddie sits down beside me. She doesn't say anything at first, just places her hand on my arm. I still don't move. My gaze is fixed on the ceiling, my body sinking deeper into the mattress.

"Lydia, this has gone on long enough," Dad starts. His tone is sharp, but there's an undercurrent of worry that he can't quite hide.

I don't respond.

"You haven't eaten, you haven't moved," he continues. "This isn't you, Lydia. You're stronger than this."

Am I? The thought flickers through my mind, bitter and cold. If I were strong, would I be here, lying in bed like a useless lump, unable to even face the people who care about me?

"Eddie," Buck says softly, his voice hesitant. "Let me try."

There's a pause, and then Dad sighs. "Fine. Someone needs to get through to her."

Buck steps closer, his voice steady but full of concern. "Lyds, it's me. Look at me, please."

I don't. I can feel his eyes on me, the weight of his worry pressing down on me like a stone.

"Lydia," Athena says, her tone firm. "You've been through too much to let this beat you. You've survived things most people wouldn't. You're still here. That means something."

Does it? Another bitter thought. Surviving isn't the same as living. Right now, I feel like I'm barely doing either.

Maddie shifts beside me, gently guiding my head into her lap. Her fingers start combing through my hair, the motion soothing despite the storm raging inside me.

"It's okay to feel like this, Lydia," she says softly. "But you can't stay here. You can't let this take over your life."

Her voice is warm and understanding, but it doesn't reach me. Nothing does.

Miles takes my hand, his grip firm but gentle. "Lyds," he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. "I know you're hurting, but we're all here for you. You're not alone in this."

Nathaniel sits on the other side of me, his expression quiet and steady. He doesn't say much, but his presence is grounding in a way I can't quite explain.

"I don't even know what to say," Dad mutters, pacing at the foot of the bed. "You're my daughter, Lydia. I can't stand seeing you like this."

I don't respond. I can't. The weight of their words, their worry, their presence-it's too much.

"Do you hear me, Lydia?" Dad's voice cracks, and it cuts through the fog in my mind like a knife. "You're stronger than this. I know you are. You've been through hell and back, and you've always come out swinging. Don't let this break you."

Athena steps closer, her arms crossed, her expression stern. "Your father's right. You've survived things that would destroy most people. This stalker-he doesn't get to win. Don't let him have that power over you."

"He killed people for me," I whisper, my voice barely audible. The room falls silent, the weight of my words hanging heavy in the air.

"No one is blaming you for that," Maddie says gently.

"I am," I admit, my voice cracking. "If it weren't for me, they'd still be alive."

"Lydia, stop." Buck's voice is firm but full of empathy. "You didn't make that man do anything. This is not your fault."

"But it feels like it is," I snap, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. "It feels like everything is my fault. The stalker, the people he killed-all of it."

"That's not true," Maddie says softly, her hand still running through my hair.

"It is," I insist, my voice breaking. "I've ruined everything."

"No, you haven't," Dad says, his voice trembling. He sits down on the bed, his hands gripping mine tightly. "Lydia, listen to me. I love you more than anything. You haven't ruined anything. You've been dealt a horrible hand, but you're still here. That means everything."

I shake my head, tears streaming down my face. "I don't even feel like a person anymore. I feel like a ghost."

Dad's expression crumples, and I see tears in his eyes. "You're not a ghost, Lyds. You're here, with us. We love you."

Maddie looks down at me. "You're not alone in this, Lydia. We're all here for you. We're not going anywhere."

Miles squeezes my hand, his voice steady but full of emotion. "You're not a ghost, Lydia. You're real. You're here. And you mean everything to us."

Nathaniel nods, his voice calm. "We're with you, Lyds. Every step of the way."

I close my eyes, the tears streaming down my face as their words finally start to sink in. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm not as broken as I feel.

Maddie's fingers continue to comb through my hair, and the soothing motion lulls me into a sense of safety I haven't felt in weeks. My body feels heavy, but for the first time in a long time, it's a comforting weight.

I drift off to sleep surrounded by the people who love me, their presence anchoring me to the world I thought I'd lost. For the first time in weeks, I feel a flicker of hope. It's small, but it's there. And maybe, just maybe, it's enough.