SPACES [Editing]

Giving Up

Louis Tomlinson

"What are you doing here?" I asked when Zayn stood up from the couch and turned around to face us. He looks different now.

Blond hair, nose piercing, more tattoos. Somehow it feels like he rebelled, like he's finally done the things Liam didn't want him to do. He's filthy rich but he never squandered his money because Liam kept him under control.

Is that's by he left him? He felt like he was being restricted?

"The blond guy let me in. King Niall? That's how he introduced himself. Told me to wait for you here." He explained. I gestured for him to sit down and he did.

"You decided to go on with the marriage, huh?" He looked at Harry.

"We actually know how to keep a relationship going, unlike some people." I said, clearly losing it.

"Calm down, love." Harry rubbed my back.

"I'm Harry." He held out his hand and shook Zayn's. Why does he have to be so polite? He then went to the corner of the living room where the bags were and picked them up. "I'll be up in our room. You'll be okay?"

I nodded and he headed up the stairs with the bags.

The room was filled with silence but my heart was racing. Do I punch him? Do I ask him questions? Do I make him leave? As if I still had to, he already did that.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do, I was--"

"There's no excuse for what you did. You could've explained yourself instead of just leaving him like that." I stood up and interrupted. I know I should've let him explain, but I wanted to defend Liam.

"Zayn, you made him believe there was something wrong with him. Like he did something that made you just leave him like that. Not just him, Zayn. We were bestfriends, when you came into the picture I was even closer to you than I was with Liam!" I shouted.

"I'm sorry, Lou, just hear me out." He took my arm so I would sit back down, tears falling down his face.

He waited for me to regain my composure before he started explaining. We were on the opposite sides of the couch but the air between us was thin.

Tears were still flowing down his face and he didn't even bother wiping them away. As soon as he started talking, he was just staring blankly into space, not minding the tears.

"When you guys got married, I felt the pressure to propose to Liam. He was constantly talking about marriage that I started to think he was trying to talk me into it. That, or I just knew that that's what he wants for us. I couldn't give it to him, I wasn't ready."

So you left him? Just like that? Just because you weren't ready? My mind was shouting at him but my body tried to calm itself down.

"So when I left, I tried to do the things he didn't allow me to. I forced myself into thinking that I was free, that I was better off without him. I was miserable, Lou. Messed up, like my life held no meaning. I realized that I was living for him, not for anyone else, not even for myself." He buried his face in his hands and wiped his tears away, his long eyelashes glistening with moisture.

"I love him, Lou. I'd give him everything I can, you know that. I regret everything I've done since the moment I ended what we had. I'll marry him in every church if he wants to. I just... I love him. I love him so much." He let out a hopeless sigh before bursting into tears again.

"You haven't tried talking to him since you broke up?" I asked him.

"I have been talking to him. When I'm alone, I pretend he's with me and talk to him. But actually reaching out for him, I haven't. I don't think I can." He said, pain was very evident in his facial expression.