SPACES [Editing]

Fragments

!!!Trigger Warning!!! This chapter speaks of suicide and I just had to put this warning out here.

Songs of the chapter:

- If I Could Fly by One Direction
- Infinity by One Direction (THIS SONG JUST HITS EVERY SINGLE PART OF ME, THIS CHAPTER AND THE NEXT ONE RUNS ON IT)
- I Know You Care by Ellie Goulding

Harry Styles

I regretted the kiss right after it happened. He had the same blue eyes and the same brown hair that I tried to trick myself into believing it was him.

But my body and my heart and every part of me knows knows that he's not Louis. He's not of the same height, he doesn't smell the same, and he doesn't hold me the same was as Louis always would. He doesn't taste the same and he doesn't move his lips quite like Louis does.

"That shouldn't have happened. You just came from a breakup and--"

"I know. I'm sorry." I interrupted James. I know it's my fault because I pulled him in for the kiss in my desperate attempts of feeling Louis's presence again.

"Are you okay?" James asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I guess. Can you please drive me home?" I asked him and he nodded.

He led me out of the penthouse and I must've been too drunk because I could've sworn that I've seen Louis in there but there was no way he was invited to this party. Must've been the alcohol.

"Are you sure you're alright?" James said as soon as we were in his car.

"I am. Physically, at least." I replied honestly.

"You were acting weird the whole night," he pointed out.

"How so?"

"Well first, you walked in like you were some kind of posh lad with your expensive printed overalls. You had a bottle of wine in one hand and yellow flowers on the other. You were loud, you know? Too happy, too energetic? I've never seen you that way before. Pretty weird for someone who just came for a breakup, I thought. And then you had too much to drink, and that's when you kissed me." He explained.

"I'm sorry about that," I apologized.

"You thought I was him, didn't you?" He asked and I gave him a blank stare.

"Come on, you can tell me."

"I did." I admitted.

"Well I'm just glad it's me. Not just some fucker who'd want to take advantage of you." He smiled at me. But not quite like how Louis would when he's happy with me.

"It's just that you have the same ocean eyes." I told him.

"Ocean eyes?"

"Yeah. You know, like water. But yours doesn't drown me as much as he does." I said and he just shrugged.

The drive home was awfully silent as I thought about what happened tonight. I wanted so badly to not be the person I was when Louis left me.

If there was one thing I realized, it was that you can decorate someone's absence any way you want to, but you're always gonna feel what's missing. It's not even a space, it's pure emptiness. There's nothing there.