SPACES [Editing]

Square One

Songs of the Chapter:

- The Scientist by Coldplay
- Middle by DJ Snake
- What A Feeling by One Direction
- Castaway by One Direction

This chapter is pretty special, mainly because it's when they go back to square one. This is their first real interaction after the accident so it's a big moment for both of them.

(And I love how this is chapter 101 lol)

This is also the first time after the accident that we're going to look at things via Louis's perspective so yeah, it's going to be very interesting! I've decided to keep the Louis POVs at a minimum for the second part of this story for full effect :)

I've been waiting for this part to start for a long time and I'm just so excited to share it with you guys so I hope you guys are gonna like it as much as I do :)

Anyway, enjoy! :)

Louis Tomlinson

It's the first time since I've been discharged from the hospital that I'm going out of the house all by myself. My leg cast was removed two days ago but that doesn't mean I have to stop coming to the hospital for my daily checkups and physical therapy.

I hate all kinds of hospital trips; I hate being in hospitals.  They remind me so much of what happened to my parents-- which, coincidentally, was also a car accident, so the driving trauma only makes sense to me. The first time I've gotten into a car after my accident, I was shaking too much that we had to sit in there, the car completely motionless for almost an hour. They calmed me down and tried to explain to me that if I don't get over this now, it's going to be that way every time I had to go to the hospital-- which turned out to be every. single. day.

I've never tried driving again since I've been discharged, and I'm planning on not driving for a long time. I haven't gone anywhere else alone, so when Hannah finally allowed me to go somewhere all by myself, I was happy to go.

It wasn't like I was feeling suffocated at home or anything, I just wanted to be alone for a while.

Somehow I feel like I'm supposed to be looking for myself? Like I'm lost and trapped and I have nowhere to go? I know I didn't lose that much of my memory, apparently nothing else has changed aside from my job (apparently I was promoted!) and that's completely acceptable; it's only been a couple of months. I wasn't expecting my life to be completely different.

I've also noticed the dagger tattoo on my arm, which was strange because I wouldn't really expect me to be asking for that specific design. It's so frustrating how I know for a fact that I was so against getting a tattoo and now I have one and I don't even remember the reason behind it.

I can't explain the feeling, but it's always like something's at the tip of my tongue, like I know that I know some things and it's frustrating because I don't know what I don't know. It's like the things I remember and the things I have forgotten are both within my grasp but I couldn't discern between the two of them. Like, have I always known this or am I just remembering this now?

I can't help but feel like there are things I should know about but I didn't want to bother Hannah or my friends about it. They all know me-- how I always want to be there for the big moments and how I hate missing out on anything important. But I've been a burden for too long, so I've decided to see a shrink. Not only because I needed one, but because I wanted to have someone to talk to. Someone who didn't really know me, but is willing to listen to me and my tireless rants about how confusing all of this is.