SPACES [Editing]

Two Fears

I wrote the first draft for this chapter immediately upon hearing about Jay's passing and I just wanted her to be the focus at some point so you can expect a lot of sadness for the first part of this update.

Songs for the chapter:
- Goodnight by Cher Lloyd
- Lullaby by Chase Coy
- Lay me down by Sam smith
- How will I know by Sam Smith
- Fade Into You by Sara Rachele

Harry Styles

It's been a while since Louis's had a nightmare, at least since he's gotten back home. It was half past midnight when he started crying in his sleep. It was one of those nights wherein I'd stay up late to finish some paperwork. I ran up to the room as soon as I heard Louis.

Panic struck me like the first time it happened. It was like I was frozen but I knew I had to do something about it. What if he was dreaming about the things he couldn't remember? What if he wakes up and decides to run away? What if he doesn't want me to hold his hand? What if I couldn't calm him down?

I decided to get my shit together because fuck, Louis's just there, turning and crying like he's trapped and he can't escape.

I sat beside him and held his hand but I knew that he needs more than just that, so I held him like I always would, making white noise as I tried to calm him down but I can tell that it was different this time. He was desperately clutching on to me, his head buried in my chest as he cried. It was almost like he didn't want to wake up.

"Lou? Wake up, love. It's a bad dream." I tried sitting him up. He was covered in cold sweat, his ears red from all the crying.

"Please wake up, Lou. Please, love." I rubbed his back.

He was holding on to my shirt as he slowly opened his eyes, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He looked up at me like he didn't know what was happening until he shut his eyes again like he doesn't want to see anything.

"It's okay. It's just a dream. You're safe." I told him as I cradled him in my arms, rocking back and forth. He was still crying.

"My mum... It wasn't a dream. M-my mum." He was shaking when he said that.

"Was it the same one as the ones you had before? The ones you always had with your parents?" I asked him.

"N-no. It's just... My mum. She was... I miss her so much... My mum..." He cried again, his voice soft as ever, but he's never been like this before. He was hyperventilating but he's trying to fight it. This is the most vulnerable state I've seen him in and I just want to hold him as tight yet as careful as I can, so I did.

"She's in a safe place now, love." I whispered to him. "I'm sure she misses you too."

He was holding on to me tightly, his head buried in the shirt that I was wearing. I could tell that he was trying to muffle his sobs but he couldn't. I rubbed his back and realized that his shirt was drenched in sweat, so I pulled it up from him. He lifted his arms,  took the shirt off, and tossed it to the side of the bed.

I stood up to get him a change of clothes, but he reached out to stop me.

"It's okay, love. I'm just getting you a new shirt. Would that be okay?" I asked. He just looked up at me and pulled up the duvet to cover us both.

No shirt it is, then.

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes with me trying to calm him down from his nightmare until he finally spoke up again.