SPACES [Editing]

ANGER: Ripped to Shreds

The start of this chapter is the same as 'In The Closet', but I changed it up a bit :)

Contrary to its title, Harry's not really angry in this chapter. It's kind of a mixture of hate and sadness but not total anger towards you-know-who. (I've decided not to say his name for this chapter and the next).

Songs of the chapter:
- All I Want by Kodaline
- Half A Heart by One Direction
- Sway by The Perishers
- Cologne by Selena Gomez
- Waiting by Alice Boman

Harry Styles

When I got married to him, I got used to waking up in five different ways.

1. With him sleeping like an angel in my arms, lightly snoring while I watched him. I will then pretend to be sleeping once he wakes up and wait for him to kiss me in any part of my face. Only then will I open my eyes and really "wake up".

2. With him cooking. Just cooking anything downstairs. He will wake me up when the food's ready. This is not an easy task for him and I've noticed that he hates it when I don't wake up right away. One time he cooked pancakes and was just too excited to show me. I went down the stairs and pretended that it looked good. Trust me, it doesn't taste as bad as it looks.

3. With him doing yoga poses in front of our full length mirror. I always pretend that I'm sleeping but I always make the effort to actually be in a position wherein I can see his ass in full view. I think he knows this but he never told me that he did. Sometimes he would deliberately pose with his ass in front of me but who am I to complain?

4. With him touching me in parts I certainly want to be touched. Sometimes he would just slide his hand down my boxers and palm me until I was awake. This will lead to me begging him for a blowjob, or, if I was lucky, mind-blowing sex. This can be the best and worst way to wake me up. The best because it's sex with my husband, but the worst because we always end up taking a nap afterwards.

5. With him whispering sweet little things in my ear while tracing my tattoos.  Sometimes he would whisper how much he loves me and how he wants our future to be.

We never dreamed of this. We never planned that one day, I will wake up without him holding me, or cooking, or doing yoga, or touching me in any way, or waiting for me to wake up. Well maybe he did, maybe he wanted me out of the picture. Maybe he didn't want me to be in his future like I wanted him so badly to be in mine.

I was never a morning person, not until we got married. I've always anticipated the next day because I knew he's going to be there when I open my eyes.

Guess I was wrong.

It's been four days without him and I'm scared of waking up because he won't be there to hold me anymore.

I waited for something, anything. A clamor in the kitchen, a sudden burst of laughter, the sound of his footsteps, his sweet voice calling my name. Nothing.

I clutched my phone in my hand and called him. Nothing.

It could have been better if he picked up and yelled at me, at least then I could hear his voice, but all I have is the tiniest spark of hope in my shattered heart that he will answer, that I'll be able to hear him say my name again. Still nothing.

I've been here before. I tell myself. I remembered how it was when I got rejected by Mason. I remembered how James broke up with me and stayed until I have moved on.