SPACES [Editing]

De ja vu

Song of the chapter:

- Mind by Sleeping At Last

This is a single POV chapter for Louis, the next one will be for Harry. :)

This may be the only chapter where Louis just decides to spill what's on his mind.

Take a look at his thought process and how he realizes things just as he's asked questions about them.

Also consider how his thoughts are just over the place and how his mind just swerves everytime he's close to figuring things out.

It reveals a lot about why he still hasn't recovered his memories. If you have theories or thoughts, you may comment anywhere on this chapter and I'll gladly read them :)

Louis Tomlinson

"He'll be ready in about 15 minutes." The doctor's assistant told me.

Right. That's fifteen more minutes. I need that to organize my thoughts.

I woke up extra early today just so I'd have enough time to think. I've never been so nervous about seeing my shrink before. I've been here many times-- but now's the first time I'll ever say something...substantial to him.

We've been through several sessions: there's something like meditation, tests, memory exercises, stuff that would tap into certain parts of my brain. Most of the time we just talk. It helps to have a conversation with someone you're comfortable with. Someone who's unbiased and someone who doesn't know the person I was before the accident.

But now it's just different. It feels like I'm preparing myself for a confession. My mind's just all over the place right now and my thoughts are just too much that I know they'd definitely spill out if they can. I have to let them out.

"You may come in and see Mr. Corden now." The assistant told me.

I walked as slowly as I can towards the door to his office and I wished the distance was long enough. I entered it more quickly than I planned and sat on the chair I usually sit on.

"How'd you like that? I asked my assistant to do that 'Mr. Grey will see you now' thing from Fifty Shades of Grey. Don't tell Harry." The doctor came in on his usual attire, like he's about to host a late night show. He still has that cheery attitude and that smiley face to always match. If another person did it, I'd have been taken aback. I'm comfortable with him. The guy's funny, I'll admit. He's one of Harry's friends, one of the best psychiatrists out there, but he doesn't make me feel like some kind of charity case. Talking to him makes me feel like I'm just conversing with a friend.

"She does that to everyone?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's what she gets paid for," he laughs, "I wasn't expecting you here! I was positive you weren't coming after ditching four sessions with me! How are you feeling?"

Normally I'd tell him I was okay because that's how I am generally after the accident. But now it's just. It's weird, like. I can't even find the words to describe it. I feel like throwing up.

"Louis?" James asked while I was blankly staring at his name plate on the table.

"Sorry, I just... Um, it's just that Harry's ex... You're not Harry's ex boyfriend, aren't you?" I asked him, and it would've been awkward if he was.