SPACES [Editing]

Second Chance

This is basically just a filler chapter but this is where Louis's confusion starts so here we go!!!!

(Louis's POV for this chapter's all over the place-- just like how it's supposed to be.)

Louis Tomlinson

For the past few days I've gotten closer to Harry. I've gotten comfortable with him, probably because that's just how we were before I lost my memory of him.

I've also met some of our friends. I recognized some of them even before we were introduced again, although I don't remember the details. I can match some faces with names, but that's just how far my mind can go for now. It's a bit of a comfort that I had good friends. They also took me to the pub where they hang out most of the time. It wasn't like I remembered it, but my brain recognized it as something that wasn't exactly new.

I spend most of my time at home. Harry taught me how to bake cupcakes and we drove out to give them to strangers. He'd also drive me to the hospital for my appointments and play footie with me when I'm bored.

I've noticed how much happier I am when I'm with him. It's not just because I'm at ease, but like. He doesn't force me to remember things?

I could only imagine how frustrated he is that I couldn't remember him when he's clearly been my bestfriend but he just lets me be me. He leaves me alone when I ask and he holds me when I'm having nightmares and he's so kind and gentle and beautiful and unique and I might be praising him too much but I think I like him?

I don't know if I'm gay, right now I don't think I am, but I might be attracted to Harry? I like being with him, but does that mean I like him? I know he's gay, but he's still in love with his ex boyfriend and I'm fine with that.

It's just that I don't know if I'm gay. I wouldn't mind, it's just that. Have I always known? Was it one of the things I've forgotten? Or am I only finding out? Or am I not? I've spent my time thinking about it and I couldn't find the answer.

I couldn't ask Harry because what if he feels awkward about it? What if I'm just thinking it? What if he asks why? Then I'd have to tell him that I might like him and then he wouldn't like me back?

It's one of the things that bother me all the time. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten about it. I'm thinking of it as an aftershock. Like it's one of those things I'm supposed to remember but it's coming in waves and I couldn't make sense of it.

Like I could think about a lot of different things but my mind comes back to Harry. And it's weird and frustrating because he's still in love with someone else and I'm confused and I just want to kiss him sometimes???

Does that even make sense? Like, sometimes I just want to kiss him and not be sorry about it??? But sometimes I'd get too close and I'd notice him trying to move away from me, like he doesn't like me that way? Like he's avoiding me? But at night he'd always hold me whether I'm having nightmares or not, probably because he's used to it now.

But it brings me so much comfort and I'm so scared of falling for him. Maybe I'm just confused? Maybe my mind's just playing tricks on me? Maybe I'm not gay, I'm just too close to Harry? Maybe I should start hanging out with other people instead?