Freaks: Year Two

The Cycle

Discussions of loss of self, discussions of abuse, and descriptions of torture.

Alabaster felt odd.

It was a feeling he had felt before. He briefly remembered feeling like this at seven, and once again at ten just last year, but he hadn't the foggiest idea as to why and now the feeling was once again back.

It was like something had been taken from him without him knowing and no matter how much he tried to think about it–about what it could be or what could have been the cause–his brain couldn't remember what it could be. All he knew was that something was taken away from him, something that had been there before.

But what?

He couldn't remember.

Well, what else is new? he thought bitterly. He barely could remember anything. He always forgot. Over and over and over there was something he was always forgetting.

He didn't like this feeling.

It was like something had been pulled from his memory and now he was left with this horrible, nagging feeling and he knew no matter how much he tried, he wouldn't be able to remember. He wouldn't be able to fill the missing hole in his mind. The holes. The several holes.

"Alabaster?"

His little sister's voice.

"Yes?"

"It's time for you to go back to Hogwarts," she told him, watching him with worry. He had been lying on the guest bedroom bed for over a day now. Just staring at the ceiling. She always hated the after effects of the obliviation spell. It made the person seemingly be in a trance, like they were mourning something they had lost. Whenever it had happened to her brother he would just stay in one spot not moving, staring up at the ceiling. "The train will be leaving in an hour. You must hurry."

"Okay."

Adelaide sighed. "Are you not going to move?"

"I will."

"You have to go now," Adelaide said and she walked over to where her older brother was laying and shook his shoulder. "Come on Alabaster, you have to get up. Forget whatever you're worried about!"

"That's the problem," he said, cutting her off from whatever she was about to say next. "I do forget. That's the whole problem. Something is wrong, and I don't know what, but..."

"Look, you have to get up, I would hate it if you missed the train and auntie is waiting for you," Adelaide told him. "Mother and father would be upset with you if you missed the train."

"They aren't even here."

"No, but...but you have to get up. Please?" She didn't want her brother to stay for days on end not moving or eating or taking care of himself at all because of the recent obliviation spell. All it was supposed to do was get rid of the idea that the Dark Lord was a murderer. That was it, but it still had the same repercussions it had when their own parents had taken a large chunk of his memory with that house in a tree and that halfblood boy. Laying there, staring, looking lost...

"Alabaster, come on," she said, shaking him again. "You have to move past this."

'Just give me a minute."

"You have not moved for over a day."

Alabaster wished he knew why. He just had no energy. He just kept staring at the ceiling, feeling like something was sucked out of him and there was nothing he could do to change it. He knew he needed to move.