Blade

Chapter 63: Blood on my hands

Another new chapter!
This one is the longest I've ever written in this book.
Hope you enjoy!

Sienna

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead," Camilla says, pulling open the curtains and letting the sharp rays of sunlight stab at my eyes.

"Ugh," I groan loudly, dragging the covers over my head to escape the sun’s assault. Before I can even take a breath, the covers are yanked away.

I sit up and glare at Camilla, who’s standing there with a smug smirk. "Why are you bothering me this early in the morning?"

She gives me an unimpressed look. "It’s two in the afternoon, Sienna."

"Oh," I mutter, glancing at the clock on my bedside table. The time confirms it, and I sigh before collapsing back onto the bed. "What do you want, Cam? I’m busy."

"Busy rotting in bed?" she asks, narrowing her eyes at me while I rub my temples, frustration ripping through my chest though I stay silent.

"Look, Sienna, it's been a week since we got here, and you haven't left this room or the bed once. Honestly, this place is starting to stink... you’re starting to stink." Her gaze sweeps over the empty takeout boxes scattered on the floor before landing on me.

I push myself up on my elbows to look at her as she starts gathering the mess. "Maybe that’s how I want to be. I’m perfectly fine and content, Cam. So please, leave so I can rot away, as you put it."

I let myself fall back onto the bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling. She sighs softly, and a moment later, the mattress dips beside me as she sits down.

"I know it feels like your world is falling apart and all that’s left is the pain, but there’s still so much more to life," she says softly. "The heartbreak will linger, and you can’t just make it disappear, but you also can’t keep drowning in it." I turn to her as she gives me a small, reassuring smile. "I’m here with you, Sienna, every step of the way. But you have to try, even just a little, to bring some happiness and normalcy back if you want to feel okay again."

I stay silent, and she doesn’t push further. She stands up, gathering the empty takeout boxes in her arms, and gives me a firm look. "I’ll order lunch for us, so I better see you up. If not, I’m coming back with a bucket of ice to wake you."

Then she walks out, shutting the door behind her. I sigh and sit up, knowing she’s right, but I just don’t have the strength to move on. I keep thinking about him, and every time I do, my heart aches all over again.

I have never once cried over a man, yet here I am, crying myself to sleep every night, my heart breaking each time the painful memories resurface. The best thing I could do for myself is to fall out of love with him, but that’s easier said than done. Even if I tried, I couldn’t. I love him too deeply, too eternally, to let go. He may not love me, but I love him, and I hate myself for it.

Every breath I take reminds me of him because he owns every part of me. Every soft thud of my heart, every passing thought, every fleeting memory brings him back. I sniffle and wipe away the tears rolling down my cheeks. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one suffering, if I’m the only one feeling this way.

I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears and take a deep breath. It’s time to stop drowning in this pain, to push the thoughts of him into the darkest corners of my mind where they can’t torment me anymore, and to go about my day like I always have.

Getting up from the bed, I head into the bathroom and step under the shower. The warm water soothes my nerves and eases the ache in my muscles. There are moments when I feel like breaking down again, but I force my mind to stay blank and focus on the steady rhythm of the water instead.