Blade

Chapter 52: You belong to me

Blade

I wanted to tell her.

I wanted to tell her so badly.

The words sat on the tip of my tongue, waiting for me to let them out, but I didn’t... and she stormed out of my room in anger.

I’m so messed up.

Everything about me is a mess.

Whether I like it or not, I care.

And she cares too.

I can’t believe she actually cares.

Yeah, Nico, Franco, Camilla, and Matilde care, but no one outside that small circle ever has. It feels different. Hearing those words made me finally breathe again.

How can she care about someone this broken?

At first, I thought she was blind to everything, that her emotions were playing tricks on her. But now I know that's not true. Every time she looks at me, my heart stutters like it wants to jump out of my chest.

She cares.

She actually fucking cares.

Why does that sound so damn good to me?

I regret every harsh word I ever threw at her, even though I couldn't fully control myself in those moments.

How could I have been so stupid, so heartless?

That is exactly what a devil would be. Yet, judging by the way she acts around me, she doesn't see me that way at all. I can't even blame her. When it comes to her, I'm nothing but a fucking coward.

I couldn’t say the damn words because I didn’t want her to look at me differently. I didn’t want her to see the cracks I keep hidden or realize just how broken and pathetic I really am.

A fool, still haunted by something that happened years ago.

I can’t help it.

I can’t help the way my chest aches, the way my heart feels like it’s tearing apart when those bloody memories flash behind my eyes.

I can’t help the weakness that follows, the hollow feeling that settles in when I try to push it away.

I can’t help feeling so damn defeated.

I can’t help that I’m a mess.

And I can’t help that I want to love, yet I have no idea how to.

I want to get better. Fuck, I really do. But I can’t. I keep falling back into alcohol and pills, over and over again.

I don’t need help. That’s what the twisted part of me keeps insisting, whispering it like a lie I almost believe.

I don’t even remember what normal feels like anymore.

“And you didn’t tell her?” Franco asks, his voice calm, almost too calm, as if he expected my confession about last night.

“I couldn’t, Franco. Fuck. I just couldn’t. My lips felt frozen,” I say, dragging a frustrated hand down my face. I shuffle through the papers on my desk, trying to focus on something, anything, to stop my thoughts from spiraling.

"Sooner or later, you have to tell her. She cares about you, and you care about her. It's simple and clear," Nico says, and I glare at him. Does he really think I don’t already know that?

"Just shut up if you're going to tell me shit that's already obvious," I growl, and he raises his hands in surrender.

"You really need to stop drinking and taking pills, Blade. It’s not good for your health. There are other ways you can—" Franco starts, but I cut him off with a sharp glare.